“Sarah! She didn’t mean that. Sorry, she’s hormonal,” I say as I race after her. She stomps outside, leaving me to catch up. “That was rude.”
“Good luck? Who says good luck to someone who might be pregnant? What a douche bandit.”
I chuckle. “Douche bandit? That’s a new one… he was only trying to be nice,” I try to comfort her as I unlock the car.
“Well, he can be nice to someone who isn’t knocked up and going to have their boyfriend walk out on them.” She folds her arms over her chest with a huff, slumping into the passenger seat.
I raise an eyebrow at her. “Are you kidding me? Chris would never walk out on you if you’re pregnant. He’s not the type, Sarah. Remember, he loves you. And let’s not worry about it until we have the results.”
Sarah brings her legs up to her chest and holds on to her knees all the way home.
When we make our way inside, I empty the bag. “Okay, do you want one with a line or a smiley face, or one with a negative or positive sign?”
She frowns at me. “Open them all,” she says.
I undo the packages until ten test sticks are sitting on the counter.
“Okay, let’s go. Grab them all and follow me,” Sarah instructs, walking toward the downstairs bathroom.
My eyes widen, knowing she means business. I pick up all the tests and follow her in. She takes a seat on the toilet and holds out her hand.
“Okay, I’m not sure I can stop midstream, so you’ll have to pass them to me one by one, and I’ll pee on all of them. You ready?” Sarah asks, making me giggle. “Jeni, are you ready?” she asks again.
“Don’t you want a bit of privacy to um… pee? Do you really want me in here watching you?” I ask as she slumps her shoulders.
“I am not doing this on my own. So, whether you like it or not, you’re going to watch me pee, and you will enjoy it. Now, hand me a stick,” she says with finality.
I take the cap off the pregnancy test and hand it to her. She exhales and takes the stick forcing it between her legs. I hear the trickle and inwardly shudder.
This is so weird.
“Next stick,” she blurts out, waving around her free hand. I hand her the next test. She pulls the first test out and places it on the vanity beside her, then puts the next one in mid-stream.
“Next,” she instructs, and I hand it to her.
Somehow, don’t ask me where all the pee came from, but we manage to repeat this nine times, until the last stick is in her hand.
“C’mon, just a little more, bladder. Jeni, squeeze my guts,” she commands, making me full-on belly laugh.
“No way, squeeze your own guts.”
She clenches and somehow gets enough for the final test while I sit on the edge of the bathtub trying not to laugh at all the tests lined up on the counter.
“Jeni, you’re such a girl,” she jests as she flushes the toilet. “Okay, now what?” she asks.
“Now… we wait three minutes.”
“Let’s take them all out to the kitchen, and we can lay them next to each other.”
Sarah grabs all the sticks, and I follow her to the kitchen where she places them on the counter and stands back staring.
“Sarah, watching them won’t make them turn any quicker,” I say, pulling her from the counter and walking with her out to the deck. We take a seat on the cushions, her leg agitates up and down as she’s fiddles her fingers together.
“What am I going to do if I am, Jeni?” she asks so quietly I can barely hear her.
“Well, that’s something you and Chris will have to discuss. Have you ever talked about having kids?”
She opens her eyes wide. “Are you kidding me? We only just said ‘I love you’ to each other not that long ago. Remember? He’s going to bolt. Shit! Fuck! Ass! Balls! I’m going to be a single mother for sure. Fuckity, fuck, fuck!”