I exhale, sliding out my seat and walk over to the phone and have a conversation with my mom about how I ended it with Aiden and what I am going to do next. She kindly offers for me to work with her at her salon while I look for something I’m more suited to. After a few tears and some comforting words from my caring mother, I hang up and walk back to sit at the table with Sarah and Chris.
“I have a job, working at our moms’ salon,” I tell Sarah, who’s displaying a wide grin.
“Um… no offense, but you have no idea about beauty, nails, waxing, hair, makeup, body wraps, or—”
“Yes, I know, but I can learn, can’t I?” I interject, then take a sip of my coffee. “At least I have a semi-plan in place to get me back out into the big wide world and pay my way.” I sigh, holding the coffee mug in my hands.
Sarah wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me to her. “I’m proud of you, Jen.”
“What for?”
“For starting again. It’s hard, but if you’ve made your mind up, then I’m proud of you for getting yourself back out there.”
“Fuck no! I’m not dating if that’s what you mean. As a matter of fact, I’ll never date again. I’m going to be that old lady with seventy-five cats and a houseful of junk.”
Sarah laughs. “Sooo not what I meant. I mean getting out of bed and off the sofa. Slowly but surely, Jeni.”
Yawning, I turn over and reach for my phone, unlock the screen to see four missed calls from Aiden. I frown and delete them. I start my new job today, so I get up the earliest I have in weeks. It’s taken almost a month to get to a point where I feel like I can semi-function, but I’m glad I feel together enough to start something new.
Dressing in a pair of black pants and a frilly black top, I walk to the bathroom and check myself in the mirror. My eyes have dark circles under them, but the bruising is practically gone now, and there are only a few minor yellow marks around my left eye. I pull out my makeup and start applying it, covering the yellow bruising and dark circles enough so no one will notice, which makes me content.
I meander into the kitchen where Sarah and Chris are kissing each other. It makes me think of Aiden, and I can’t help but wonder how he’s doing. He calls every day, and every day I let it go to voicemail.
I can’t bring myself to talk to him.
Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
I just don’t know.
I’m okay, not good, just okay. With the help of Sarah, Chris, and my mom, I’m able to at least semi-function. Sarah and Chris quickly separate when they see me. It makes me sad they feel like they have to hide their affection for each other from me. But in a way, I’m glad they do because every time I catch them kissing, it reminds me that I’ll never kiss Aiden again, and that thought terrifies me. This is why my head is so messed up. I want to be with Aiden so bad, and yet, I can’t find the strength to go back to him. I’m one fucked-up mess.
I fix myself some toast and a cup of coffee while Sarah stares at me tilting her head. “Going somewhere today, Jeni?”
I nod. “Yeah, the salon.”
Sarah smiles a beaming smile that makes her eyes sparkle, then she walks over and hugs me. “I’m proud of you for finally getting out of the house. It’ll do you good.”
Chris walks past me, pats me on the back but says nothing. Just a nice gesture of support.
“Thanks. It’s past time for me to pull my head out of my ass and get on with life.” I eat my breakfast and head out to my car. The poor thing struggles when I try to start it, seeing as it’s been over a month since I’ve driven her. Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares to You” blares on the radio, and I instantly think of Aiden. So I turn the radio off because the words ring true and hurt my heart. I know nothing will ever compare to Aiden, he is, no was, the love of my life. I clear my throat, holding back the emotion. Putting my car in reverse, I drive into the city. When I arrive at Mom’s salon, I pull in behind her car and walk inside, feeling a glimmer of hope that life’s somehow going to get back on track. I haven’t worked since I was at O’Connell Finance, so this is a big step.
Mom looks up, letting out a small squeal when she sees me. “Oh, honey, you’re here. I was beginning to think you were having second thoughts about coming to work for me as it has been a month since we discussed you coming in.”
I sturdy my shoulders. “I’m here, and I’m looking forward to a hard day’s work.”
“Your face is healing fast.” She brings her hand up and lightly touches my cheek, and I give her a nod.
“Okay, so what would you like me to do?” I ask, trying hard to fight off the image in my head of Jason beating me as it swarms through my mind.
Classic PTSD.
I really should talk to someone.
But I know I won’t.
My stubbornness sometimes is a problem. Even I know it.