I simply need some caffeine, but I reply nicely, “No thanks, just the coffee.” Because that’s me, the nice girl.
With the nectar of the gods in my hand, I’m now ready to make my way into work. I swear I’m an ogre without it.
I’ve worked as a receptionist at ADF Automotive Repairs for two years. It’s a great job, and it’s not too far from home. I flick the switch on the car radio hoping for some uplifting music to cheer me, but Taylor Swift is singing about breaking up. Again. Normally, I’d sing along with her, but this song always reminds me of my ex and how we are never getting back together. It’s like my own personal anthem, but today, for some reason, I feel an overwhelming sense of loss and loneliness. Maybe after being by myself at the party last night, then hearing Sarah so happy with her new guy this morning, it’s making me feel all kinds of alone. Tears well in my eyes as a sinking feeling fills my chest thinking of ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named.’ My heart starts to beat rapidly while I internally panic. Thinking of him doesn’t happen as often anymore, but when something triggers it, I can’t help the feelings that engulf me.
This morning’s been weird, I’ve felt off since last night. Now with Swift singing in the background, my heart leaps into my throat as hot, salty tears prick at my eyes. They’re making it harder to drive and blur my vision. I carefully wipe my eyes with a tissue, trying not to smudge my makeup.
As the song comes to an end, my panic seems to slow, and I begin to calm.
Internally berating myself for my emotional behavior, I know I shouldn’t ever let my ex get to me. I must be tougher than this. I am an independent, fierce woman. I will not let him take over my emotions anymore. I take a sip of my coffee as I shake whatever that shit was, attempting to relax.
He’s not worth it, Jeni.
Driving up to the traffic lights only a block away from work, I take a deep breath, pulling my shit together. “You’re a strong woman… you can do this,” I say the affirmation out loud.
Suddenly, the squealing of tires heightens my senses. A loud bang echoes through the air, causing my body to tense, followed by the car behind me slamming forward and smashing into the rear end of my car with a loud crunching sound. I jolt forward, my coffee cup exploding all over my new white blouse. The hot liquid instantly scalds my skin as it runs down my chest. The heat igniting my flesh as I let out a loud gasp.
A chain collision.
Great!
Just what I need.
Rapidly, I pull my blouse away from myself a few times and blow air down my front like a madwoman then scream, “For fuck’s sake.”
My pulse races so fast, my muscles tense, and like a raging bull, my emotional state flips. I was on the verge of tears a few seconds ago, but now I’m simply angry as hell. It seeps into my veins like frenzied sharks waiting to attack their prey. I’m raging, my car means so much to me, and now in my already emotional state, some idiot drivers have me completely unhinged.
The two drivers jump out of their damaged vehicles and are already exchanging insurance details, as I look down and notice my new white blouse and part of my skirt is covered in a colossal coffee stain. And to top all this shit off, I’m going to be late for work.
Perfect!
My nostrils flare, and my heart starts to race from the adrenaline boost. I should have a flashing neon sign saying Beware on my forehead because I’m not in the mood for any bullshit.
I stomp around to the rear of my car to assess the damage, my heels clomping on the asphalt as they go. Luckily, the hit wasn’t terrible, and my car only has a few minor dents and scratches. I lean up against the side panel and try to take calming breaths. I need to rein myself in, or I swear this version of Jeni will probably end up on the nightly news.
But my heavy breathing stutters as the man who rear-ended my car strides over to me.
With each step he takes, I feel myself becoming furious.
Shit! I can’t control it.
By the time he reaches me, I’m enraged. My morning’s been such a nightmare that I’m ready to fire off like a rocket. Bringing my hand up, I point at him and can’t help what flies out of my mouth. “You men are all the same. You’re fucking reckless drivers. If you’d have kept the correct distance from my car when you were hit, you wouldn’t have hit me, you damn moron! Look, there’s coffee all over me.” I am waving my hands around like a complete fool. “I’m burned, and I have to go to work, which I’m now late for. Thanks to you and Mr. Bad Drivers Anonymous over there…” I trail off when I notice him tilting his head like he’s highly amused.
That shit only makes me lash out more. “Why are you all staring at me?”
Oh, for God’s sake, Jeni, rein it in!
I let out a big sigh.
The anger subsides, and despair takes over. Tears I don’t want to slip from my eyes start to well again, but there’s no way I’m letting this asshole get the best of me.
He furrows his brows with a frown. “Sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have stopped so close to your car. I apologize for the coffee… are you okay?” he asks. I huff, crossing my arms over my chest. His apology won’t fix my car or my damn blouse for that matter. “I’ll buy you a new top. Pay for the damages to your car, and—”
“I don’t need your charity. Thank you. The insurance company will cover the damages.” I force my details toward him and storm back to my car. I figure since he crashed into me, he can deal with the fucking mess he and the other asshole created.
I want out of here.
Right now.