“Yeah,” I said, swiping at my face and getting rid of the remaining tears. “Anyway, when the guy met me at the restaurant, it was my old friend from Balance of Light—that’s the cult’s name. We knew each other from the time we were toddlers. In the twelve years I lived at the compound—what everybody calledthe ranch—we were inseparable. And then I left.”
“Oh, God,” Hanlen said. “He isn’t here on their behalf, is he?”
I felt electric tingles run up my neck to my hairline. Leave it to Hanlen to go there. I suppressed a shiver. “I wondered the same. And I’m still paranoid, I mean how can Inotbe? But I asked him a lot of questions and I really feel he’s being genuine. He had no idea that I, Larken, was actually Starling Gautier. And now that we’ve reconnected, he seems genuinely happy just to be able to talk to me again. He hasn’t pushed me. Has respected all my wishes not to bring up the past. But . . . it gets better.”
“How can this get better?” James asked.
“That was sarcasm.” I laughed, but the sound was brittle. “It seems the Universe is having a laugh at my expense because the guy that Turner set me up with is actually the contractor that Dev just hired to do the work on the steamboat houses for our next investigation. And when I took Padre’s place and went over there yesterday, we ran into each other. Again.”
“Good grief, it’s like a soap opera,” Dakota said and shook her head.
“Tell me about it,” I agreed and blew out a breath. “I’m sorry I kept it from you, and I’m sorry I just dumped that all on you at once. I love you all.” A single tear slid down my cheek. “I just really hope that this doesn’t bring a boatload of shit down on our heads.” I looked at Dev. “But given that Lionel—that’s the cult leader’s name—is still looking for me, and Kholt hasn’t cut ties to Balance of Light, I’m honestly not sure what might happen.”
“Are you safe?” Hanlen asked.
“I think so. I hope so.”
“We’ll make sure you are,” Sky said, and Padre looped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him as he nodded at me, a look of absolute conviction in his gaze.
“You have us. All of us,” Van said, looking around the room and getting unanimous nods. “Nobody messes with our girl and gets away with it.”
Goddess, I loved these people. I looked around the room at the family I had chosen and felt my magic swell. After so many years fighting what felt like a losing battle and constantly being on guard, then years on my own wondering what would become of me, pretending to be someone I wasn’t and always looking over my shoulder, it was so nice to have people in my life who made me feel not only accepted but also safe.
Chapter9
~Kholt ~
Ihad no idea what was up with Turner. He’d sent me a text that sounded urgent—and a little manic—asking if I could meet him at his place. I hadn’t even taken a minute to agree. Now, I was on my way over there, and he wasn’t answering his phone or replying to any of my messages. I needed to chill out. He was likely fine, but I wouldn’t be if I kept trying to voice text while driving and checking for replies every two seconds.
I pulled up outside his apartment and headed up the outside stairs to his door. Knocking loudly, my brain went places it shouldn’t—imagining the worst—I just hoped that he answered fast before I felt the need to break it down and check on him.
Thankfully, he didn’t make me wait long and opened the door. But the minute I took him in, I knew something was really wrong.
“What the hell is going on?” I said, pushing past him and shutting us inside his place. His eyes were red, his face was pale, and his hands were shaking as he ran them through his hair and palmed the back of his neck.
I wrapped my hand around his biceps and led him to the couch, pushing him gently and urging him to take a seat. Once he was down, I went into the kitchen and checked the fridge for a water bottle. He had a large reusable one in there, so I took it out, screwed off the top, and sniffed, making sure it was actually water. Satisfied, I took it into the living room and handed it to him as I squatted in front of him.
“Drink some of this. You look like you’re in shock. What the hell happened?”
He did as I asked and took a couple of long pulls from the water bottle. He was still breathing a little fast, though, so I didn’t want to push him until I got him calmed down a bit more. I reached over and tapped his smartwatch, bringing up the heart app he had on his wallpaper screen. It took a minute to register, and I saw from looking at it upside down that his heart rate was one hundred and twenty-six beats a minute. Yeah, he needed to chill out, he was approaching full-on panic attack mode, and I needed to help him get that under control. Fast.
“Turner, I need you to breathe with me. Do you think you can do that?”
It seemed to take a second for my voice to register, and then he finally lifted his gaze to meet mine. After another beat, he nodded.
“Good, that’s good. Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do.” I sat on the floor in front of him and put my hand on his knee. “I’m going to tap on your leg with my finger.” I gave his knee a quick tap with my index finger to get his attention. He glanced down but then met my gaze again. “Breathe in to the count and keep pace, okay?” I demonstrated, tapping and breathing as I did, holding his gaze. “Then, hold that breath when I squeeze.” I showed him. “And then breathe out in time to the taps with my thumb. Got it?”
He gave me one short nod. “Okay, now breathe in. . . .” I tapped my finger on his leg slowly to the count of six. “Hold.” I squeezed his knee. “Now, breathe out. . . .” I released my grip and tapped my thumb to another slow beat of six.
We repeated the process four more times, and I glanced at his watch again. Seventy-two.Muchbetter.
“You with me, man?” I asked.
He took another deep breath and huffed it out. “Yeah, I’m solid. Thanks for that.”
“Anytime,” I said. “Now, care to tell me what’s going on?”
“I’m not even sure how or where to start.”