My world has been turned upside down and inside out, but while I stare at the image of my growing babies, all I feel is this immense wonder and love, bursting with new hope for the future. How could I not when the two little beings I’m carrying are a part of me and a part of the man I love? Everything else fades away, and nothing else matters. The past? Inconsequential. Old grievances? Trivial. My own pain? Insignificant.
After the first ultrasound, I was overcome with fear. But now, all I feel is awestruck by the life growing inside me. I feel hope, and life no longer seems so dark. I don’t know what changed. Maybe it’s the way Alexius clutches my hand, his fingers interlaced with mine. He squeezes lightly every time the doctor points at the screen, telling us what we’re seeing, how our babies are growing.
Maybe it’s because he’s here. No. Not maybe.
Itisbecause he’s here. It’s not just seeing my babies and hearing their heartbeats that make me feel complete. It’s him, too. It’s because we’re together.
I glance up at him, and my heart expands. It’s easy for Alexius to hide his emotions with his unreadable expression. He always has me guessing what he’s feeling and thinking. But now, he can barely disguise the awe and wonder in his eyes as he stares at the monitor. Everything I feel reflects in his blue irises, and he looks at me like I’m everything. Like I’m all he needs. We’re no longer two pieces of this love story. We’re one, and the life inside me is proof of that.
“Everything looks great,” the doctor says, and Alexius and I look at him. “So far, you have a healthy pregnancy, and your babies are growing just fine. Have you decided if you’d like to know the genders or keep it a surprise?”
My breath catches in my throat, and Alexius’ eyes grow wide. “You can see that?”
“It’s still early at fourteen weeks, and it’s never one-hundred-percent accurate, so I always caution my patients against having their mind set on the gender based on what we see on the ultrasound. But I’m seventy-five percent sure of the gender of this little one here.” He points at the monitor. “The other one is a little shy today, but hopefully, he or she will give us a better view at the next ultrasound.” He looks at us. “So, do you want to know?”
Alexius looks at me questioningly, and I’m sure my heart is about to leap out of my chest. I shrug. “I don’t know. Do you want to know?”
Alexius pulls a palm down his face, his eyes fixed on the monitor. “I think I do.” He looks at me. “Do you?”
I’m bursting at the seams to know whether we’re having at least one boy or girl. My curiosity gets the better of me, so I nod. “I think I do, too.”
The doctor smiles, still pointing at the baby in question. “It looks like you’ll be having at least one little girl.”
I suck in a breath, and the room goes quiet. “A girl?”
“Looks like it,” the doctor confirms, and I look at Alexius, who's still staring at the monitor, speechless.
“Oh, my God.” I swallow back tears.
“A girl,” Alexius whispers like he’s almost afraid to say it out loud, his eyes gleaming with what looks like shock and amazement.
The doctor removes the transducer from my belly, wiping away the remaining gel. “I’ll see you again in four weeks' time. If you have any questions or concerns, you have my number.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” I say, and Alexius simply nods as the doctor leaves the room, almost knocking over one of the staff standing outside the door with a clean set of towels.
“Not now,” Alexius barks, and the poor man scurries out like a pack of rabid dogs was just sent after him.
I give him a disapproving stare. “Was that really necessary?”
Alexius lets out a low grunt, and I merely shake my head, not wanting anything to ruin this moment. “I can’t believe it. This is so surreal.” My heart is racing, bubbles of excitement popping inside my stomach. “One of them is a girl,” I whisper in disbelief, and I want to cry and laugh simultaneously. “We’re having a little girl.”
“Yeah.” Alexius lets go of my hand and turns away, staring out in front of him with his palm over his mouth.
I pull my shirt back down and throw my feet off the side of the bed as I sit up. “Are you okay?”
He doesn’t turn to face me, and the sinking feeling slowly trickles back.
“Alexius, say something.”
“I, ah…” he turns to face me but doesn’t look at me, “I have to go.”
“No!” I leap off the bed and put myself between Alexius and the door. “No. I’m not letting you leave again. Not before we talk.”
He still can’t look at me and turns away, stalking to the other side of the room.
“Where have you been?” I ask, pushing myself away from the door.
“I told you. I’ve been taking care of some things.”