Leave it to Fitzwilliam to plan a dramatic entrance.
“Is this a madhouse?” the younger man cried, his face reddening in his distress and offense. “I am here to meet Mr. Bennet. He is expecting me.”
“You arenotexpected,” Fitzwilliam said thoughtfully, tapping the man’s broad chest with one finger. “Or I should have known.” He cast glances at Bennet and Darcy. “Should we send him away?”
“Send me away?” Mr. Collins cried. “Here, now! Whatever for?”
Darcy cleared his throat. “Perhaps because you have shown up without an invitation and expect easy entrance to a gentleman’s house. Perhaps that is the custom at Rosings Park, but it is not the done thing here.”
Fitzwilliam turned his head in Darcy’s direction. Darcy nodded once, and Fitzwilliam’s expression darkened. Lady Catherine was very careful to perform all arrears of civility and respect to the earl and the viscount, but she had no use for Fitzwilliam.
Despising Lady Catherine de Bourgh was an antipathy they shared.
“Her Ladyship was kind enough to allow me near a fortnight to find a bride,” Mr. Collins was explaining to Bennet, “but as you must know, it is not a great deal of time to settle the matter. At once I considered selecting a bride from among Mr. Bennet’s amiable daughters, who are my cousins, you know. In this way, the estate will remain in the family. It is a kindness I am here to offer, and I am certain Mr. Bennet will wish to see me.”
A muscle in Bennet’s cheek twitched. “You had better come with us.”
“But . . .” The man turned to them each in turn, evidently hoping for a sympathetic face. “But I have travelled all the way from Kent this day. I would prefer to rest and refresh myself so that I might be prepared to meet my lovely cousins.”
The deep growl that issued from Bennet’s throat could not signal anything good for the parson’s health.
“Unless you intend to go to the inn and bed down there for the night,” Darcy said, “you shall need to come with us. Mr. Bennet is not within, and he would not wish for an uninvited visitor to wait in the same house as his daughters. A man in your position must surely understand that it is not proper.”
“Well spoken, Darcy,” Bennet said.
Darcy cringed, waiting for the parson to make the connection, but thankfully Mr. Collins appeared not to know his name. Fitzwilliam grinned at him and wagged his eyebrows.
“Mr. Collins,” Bennet said acidly, “if we may revisit the topic at hand.”
“What was that?” the clergyman asked, perplexed.
“Why are you here without a proper invitation?”
Mr. Collins had once again missed the point of the question. “As I have said, sir, I have come to make amends to my cousin’s amiable daughters. To woo and win one of the Bennet daughters, whom I have heard tell are everything lovely.”
Fitzwilliam snorted. They all turned to glare at him, but he held up his hands. “I am sorry, gentleman. But which of Bennet’s daughters would even consider him?”
This set Mr. Collins on a long-winded discourse about the duties of women to their husbands. Bennet allowed him to ramble for a time, but eventually, he broke into the pastor’s sermon.
“As this is to be your estate one day, you should learn all the work that must go into it,” Bennet said. “Is not that right, Darcy?”
He inclined his head. “Of course.”
“Well then, gentlemen, it appears Longbourn has become an academy for new and future landowners. Shall you show Mr. Collins what you have learnt during your sojourn here?”
“Are you the steward?” Mr. Collins asked Bennet. He turned to Darcy and Fitzwilliam. “Is he training you to be stewards?”
Darcy pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the laugh from coming. For he was nearly certain that if he gave way to it, he would be unable to stop. Not from merriment, but from the sheer absurdity his life had now become.
Chapter Eleven
“Didhearrive,Lizzy?”Lydia asked eagerly. “What does he look like?”
“He was here, but I did not see him,” Elizabeth replied. “His appearance does not matter, as he is discourteous and foolish.”
“Lizzy,” Mary said reprovingly. “That is not fair. We have not even been introduced.”
“Let us look at the evidence, Mary,” Elizabeth replied. “He invited himself here. When Papa informed him we could not accommodate his visit, Mr. Collins replied that it was no inconvenience to him to share the house. He did not for one moment consider that it was not his own convenience that was at issue.”