He was nervous.
I blinked a few times when I registered that.
I’d never seen Kash nervous. Kashton Colello. The great and intimidating and sexy Kashton Colello, who could kill if he needed to. The billionaire boyfriend who was menacing, protective, and dangerous.
He was still talking. No. He was rambling, his hand going over his face again.
I noted how tight his shoulders were, and then I started grinning.
All the mess, all the dysfunction and crisis in our lives, and in the midst of me breaking the law, of him assisting me breaking the law, we were doing a normal couple thing.
He noticed my smile and stopped talking. “What? What’s wrong now?”
“Nothing.”
He nodded, his shoulders loosening.
“Just…”
His shoulders tightened back up.
“This is nice.”
His eyebrows shot up once again. “This is nice?” He waved a hand between him and me. “Us? Right now?” He included the computer screen. “Committing felonies? That’s fun?”
I hid a grin, going back to work. “No.Thisas in you and me in the same room, and being normal.” I thought about it. “Kinda. Sorta.” Okay… “Not really. But you know what I mean.”
He expelled a ragged breath. His hand thumped down on his armchair and he lounged back. “I haven’t got the first clue about what you’re talking about. I’m just,” he hesitated, choosing his words, “I just don’t want to lose you.”
My breath stopped in my chest. It held there.
He was looking down, shaking his head. “I was so fucking scared.” His voice grew thick. Hoarse. “I thought I would lose you. From the kidnapping attempt, to when Victoria ripped into you, to after you lost your mom. I didn’t think…” He lifted his head, and there was no wall there. No mask. He was more naked with me than when we made love. “I don’t think I’ve breathed until now, and I had no idea.” Another layer slid away, and he was hurting. The pain was raw and pulsating.
I went to him. His face tightened in agony and I was there. I was in his lap, and my hands were cradling both sides of his face. “I love you.”
He drew in a breath. “Are you sure?”
God.
He was so raw right now.
“I’m sure.”
He moved his head, up and down, just slightly. My forehead went down to rest against his, and he closed his eyes. “My grandfather, I didn’t deal with him when I was young—”
“And what? Become a murderer?” I lifted my head, and I tipped his chin up to meet my gaze.
My chest was squeezing together at the sight of his suffering.He was ripping me in half, but I kept on. “You couldn’t do anything except live in fear.”
I found his hands and laced our fingers together. Resting our hands on his legs, I moved so I was straddling him. “I’m going to find my mother. We’re going to get her back. Then I’m going to help you destroy your grandfather, once and for all, and figure out what to do with your twin brother.”
I bent down, finding his lips, and I lingered, just needing to feel him.
Once I had my fill, I slid off his lap and went back to the desk.
FORTY-TWO
Kash