“Get serious, both of you.” Nix pulled on his helmet and jogged toward the referee and the Terrapins captain.
“You think Miller has a boner for her?”
“What the fuck?” I spat. “Why would you say that?” Now I was thinking about things I definitely did not want to be thinking about. Mostly Celeste, in various stages of undress.
“Well, she’s a free agent, and he’s a free agent…”
“If you have something to say, just say it.”
“Nah, I’m just busting your balls, Z, man.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“So you keep telling me.” He grinned and jogged onto the field while I moved off to the sidelines with the rest of the defensive players.
He was wrong. Little Miss Goody Two-shoes wouldn’t like someone like Miller, no fucking way. But even if she did…
He was welcome to her.
* * *
Crack.
My shoulder rammed into one of the Terrapins players and we both went down, hitting the ground with the thud. Our small section of the crowd roared, the noise reverberating through me, feeding the adrenaline coursing through me.
“Too bad, princess,” I drawled, rolling onto all fours and clambering to my feet.
The Hawks were on fire. A force to be reckoned with, we’d already put five touchdowns on the scoreboard by the fourth quarter. Their defense was sloppy, and their offense couldn’t break through our lines.
It was a good feeling, to be winning, to be annihilating them. Every time I crashed into one of their players, a little bit of tension ebbed away. But then I rememberedshewas in the bleachers, determined to push her way into my life no matter how many times I told her to stay the fuck out of it.
It was desperate really.
She was fucking desperate.
I jogged off field and headed for the water table while our offense took over.
“You’re looking good out there, Washington,” Coach Farringdon called. “You sure I can’t convince you to talk to some colleges?”
“It’s not for me, Coach.”
A strange pang went through me. But I couldn’t go to college. I couldn’t leave Darling Hill, Grams, my responsibilities. She needed me. Besides, I didn’t have a good enough GPA, or any money set aside for such things. Every penny I scraped together went into the bills, and the occasional smoke or beer. College wasn’t in my future. A life out of The Row wasn’t in my future. Not while Grams was still alive and needed me.
I shovedthosethoughts down.
He gave me a long assessing look, one that had me turning my back on him. Part of me got it, got why he tried to encourage us all so much. To instill a sense of worth and confidence.
Most of the guys on the team didn’t have a positive male role model at home, and if they did, they usually had some other shit going on.
I tried to stay focused on the game. Nix commanded the team like any good quarterback, delivering the perfect pass to one of his wide receivers and straight into the end zone.
“Touchdoooooown,” the announcer roared over the PA system, sending our supporters into yet another frenzy.
A flicker of a smile braved my lips. It was hard not to get sucked up into the atmosphere, the thrill of the win. But it never truly penetrated the layers of ice around my heart.
Nothing did.
Because for as much as I loved being out here with my team, this was as good as it was ever going to get. A bittersweet ride toward an end I knew was inevitably coming.