It was all of those things, and I was slowly drowning under the weight of them.
And the kicker was, the one person I’d always been able to trust implicitly, to confide in, was now the person I wanted to shield from the truth.
I was a mess. A giant knot of warring emotions tangled and twisting inside me as I tried to keep my head above water every day.
And I didn’t want Nix to know.
I didn’t want anyone to know.
It was like sailing on turbulent, unpredictable seas. Sometimes there were great lulls where you drifted only to be swept up by angry unrelenting waves.
It was exhausting.
Being me. Playing a part. Telling everyone—telling myself—I was fine.
“Do you want me to take you home?”
A small, bitter laugh escaped.
Home.
The Rowe-Delacorte estate wasn’t my home.
It never would be.
“No, you went to all this trouble. It’s fine.”
I wanted to see Nix, of course I did. But I was worried—terrified he might see the cracks. The shadows in my eyes.
Terrified of what he would say about Nate and our fake relationship.
Closing my eyes, I touched my head to the cool glass and inhaled a shuddering breath.
“Harleigh, if you’re not—”
“I said I’m fine,” I snapped, refusing to look at him.
“Yeah, okay.” He blew out a strained breath that sounded an awful lot like, ‘We both know you’re not.’
“The mill,” I said as Nate’s car rumbled along the dirt road.
“Hey, I’m just the driver.” He winked, trying to lighten the mood. But the knot in my stomach was unforgiving.
Nix came into view, sitting on the hood of his car. The second he saw us, he stood up and started walking toward us. Nate’s car rolled to a stop and he glanced at me. “See you later.”
“What will you do?”
“Actually, I’m going to meet Kye and Zane.”
“You are?”
“Yeah, I think he probably told them to keep an eye on me. But I don’t mind. They’re good guys.”
“You don’t mind being here?”
“You sound surprised.” He shrugged. “I told you once before that I’d probably fit in better in The Row than I do in Old Darling Hill.”
“Nate, I—”