Some days I still didn’t feel ready to be out here, in the big wide world, learning how to live again.
At Albany Hills it had been all about survival. About directing those dark, dark thoughts onto something more positive. There had been so many days when I’d wanted to quit. Therapy. Meds… Life. But I’d survived. I’d healed enough to function outside the safety net of Albany Hills.
But every day was a struggle. Some days, it was like trudging up a never-ending mountain, and no matter how hard you pushed, there was no end in sight.
Having Celeste, Miles, and Nate here, and Nix, Chloe and the guys there, it all helped. But it wasn’t a magical solution. It didn’t fix those parts inside me, parts that only I had the ability to mend.
Nate gave me a small uncertain smile. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Harleigh.”
“I hope that’s a good thing.” I tried to keep it light, friendly. But things had a habit of turning intense whenever Nate was around.
“I should probably get to class,” I said, needing some space.
“Yeah, sure. Sorry. I’ll see you later, Harleigh.”
“Bye.” I lifted my hand in a small wave.
“He’s like a lost puppy,” Celeste appeared. “Adorable. And you’re so lucky he’s all yours.” She gave me a wry smile.
“About that… Do you think it’s a bad idea, going along with it?”
“You mean, in case you end up in some dramatic love triangle?”
“Celeste!”
“What? A girl can dream.” She shrugged, her eyes twinkling as if she was fantasizing about that very thing.
It didn’t take much to figure out who she imagined would be the two guys fighting over her.
“I don’t want anyone to get hurt,” I said.
Nate. I didn’t want Nate to get hurt. Because whatever happened, the ending would always be the same. I was with Nix.
I loved Nix.
Even on the days where I doubted everything, where my inner critical voice was so loud, I couldn’t hear anything else, I still loved him.
Because it had always been him.
We meandered down the hall, Celeste’s arm laced in mine. “Have you spoken to Miles?” I asked.
Because this was normal girl talk.
This was safe, appropriate, normal.
“We had a nice time Saturday night.” They’d gone on a date to the drive-in movies in the next town over. “But I… I don’t know.” Torment swirled in her eyes as she glanced at me.
“You shouldn’t string him along.” It wouldn’t end well, and he deserved more.
“I wouldn’t.” My brow lifted, and she let out a resigned sigh. “He’s my best friend. I don’t want to damage that.”
That I understood.
The lines between Nix and I had been blurred for me for a long time. But there were different kinds of love. The kind of love that warmed you and made your heart beat in a strong, steady rhythm, and then there was the kind of love that consumed you. Made you burn and your heart beat like a wild thing inside you.
Celeste loved Miles, I didn’t doubt that, but maybe it wasn’t the right kind of love to sustain a relationship.
“Being seventeen is hard.” She laid her head on my shoulder. “But I’m glad I have you in my life, Harleigh.”