Nix
“Good old Joe wants me gone after graduation.”
Harleigh’s brows furrowed and she blinked a couple of times, disbelief glittering in her eyes. She knew exactly what I meant; she just couldn’t process it.
It takes a while, Birdie. Trust me.
“What do you mean he wants you gone?”
“It means that once high school is over, I am officially homeless.”
“He can’t do that.”
Strained laughter spilled from my lips. “You’ve met my old man. I’m pretty sure he can do whatever the fuck he wants.”
“What about Jessa? Surely she doesn’t—”
“She doesn’t know yet.”
“Nix, you have to tell her.”
“Why? She’s never going to leave him, B. I realize that now. Maybe part of me has always known it. And I hate it, because one day her loyalty to him will kill her.”
The words shredded something inside me. Deep, visceral lashes I felt all the way down to my soul.
“She’s not your responsibility, Nix.”
She wasn’t, but still.
“She’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a mom, B.” My heart clenched. “How can I just walk away knowing what her life is like with him? What kind of person does that make me if I leave to chase my dreams?”
Dreams that had never felt achievable until recently.
Harleigh palmed my cheek, closing the space between us. “You’ve always been her protector, Nix. But who protects you, huh? Maybe if she saw you go after your dreams, if she saw you get out of this place, it would give her the confidence to leave him.”
“I just don’t know how to do it. She deserves better.”
“And so do you, and me, and Zane, and every kid living in The Row. We all deserve better, but nobody is going to come along to fix things for us. Life doesn’t work that way. But you have a shot, Nix.” Her eyes pleaded with me. “A real shot at getting out of here.”
“And what about you, B? What’s your plan after graduation?”
“I…” She hesitated, her eyes darting away from me. I captured her chin, forcing her to look at me. “I haven’t thought about it.”
“Wrong answer.” My jaw ticced. “It’s you and me, B. I need you with me. If it’s Albany U or somewhere else, I need you right by my side.”
“Nix, it’s only the beginning of senior year. There’s still—”
Irritation flashed inside me. But it was more than that. I wanted her to want this—me. A future together.
“There’s still what, B?”
“Nine months.” The words shattered around us, like a crack of lightning or the bang of gunfire.
Nine months could change everything. But so could a second or a minute or an hour. Life could change in the blink of an eye and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it.
“It’s not the same, and you know it.”
“I know.” Her expression softened. “I’m not saying…” She blew out a steady breath, giving a little shake of her head. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’m saying. All I know is that when I look too far into the future, I get this sense of dread. Like a lead balloon settling in my chest.