Nix
“Arewe going to talk about the fact this is as weird as fuck?” Zane said as we sat in Miller’s kitchen, waiting for him to return with pizza for everyone.
The girls were sitting over on the sectional talking. I wasn’t surprised how easily Celeste and Chloe slotted in beside Harleigh. They were both similar. Feisty. Sassy. Fiercely protective. Harleigh needed people like that in her life. Especially after—
Fuck, I couldn’t go there.
Couldn’t let myself think about her trying to hurt herself because she thought I’d abandoned her. It was too much of a mind fuck.
“Breathe, Nix,” Kye whispered, motioning to my hand as I white-knuckled the edge of the counter.
“You good?” Zane asked, and I nodded, forcing myself to take a deep breath. “Maybe we should—”
“No. I’m not leaving. Not yet.”
“And I get it, man. I do. But what’s the plan here? She lives with her old man now. She’s a minor. You know what happened last time you tried to go after her. If he finds…”
“Z.” Kye shook his head. “Ease up for a second, yeah? I’m sure Nix has a plan.”
But that was just it, I didn’t.
I lived my life from day to day, never letting myself think too far ahead. Hopes and dreams were a dangerous notion in my world, because the consequences of chasing them meant leaving Jessa behind. It meant leaving Zane and his grandma, and Kye and Chloe behind.
How could I do that?
How could I put myself first when Jessa’s life depended on me?
It wasn’t like Harleigh could come and stay with me. Not after the shit that had gone down with me and my old man. And Zane had a point. If she tried to run, Michael would come after her. Probably make good on his word and come after me. She was a minor, at least for another few weeks.
Even if she wanted to run, what did I have to offer her?
Nothing.
I had nothing.
My fist clenched against my thigh, tension mounting inside me. When I’d first found out Harleigh was back, I hadn’t let myself imagine a scenario where we found our way back together. So much time had passed. Too much shit had happened. But now she was here and I was here and all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and reassure her that nothing would hurt her again.
I couldn’t do it though.
I couldn’t make promises I had no way of keeping, not after everything.
I needed more time. Time to figure out a plan that gave us a way to be together. Because that’s the only thing that mattered. Us. Together. Her safe by my side.
But could I really do it? Could I bind her to my life again? Clip her wings and ask her to stay by my side, wherever that took us?
As if she heard my thoughts, Harleigh glanced over and gave me a small uncertain smile. Fuck, there had been a time I’d lived for those smiles. Always so shy and unsure of herself.
I smiled back, and Zane snorted. “It’s been what, an hour,” he said, “and you’re already making moon eyes at each other.”
“Fuck off,” I growled.
“Okay, food’s up.” Miller appeared, pizza boxes piled high in his arms.
“What do we make of him?” Zane asked under his breath, watching with cool assessment as Miller dropped them on the opposite end of the counter.
“He seems okay,” Kye said with a small shrug.
“You think we can trust him?”