I need to know what happened. I can’t stand her keeping secrets, not only because I’m used to having full information, but because they’re eating her alive.
Her glassy eyes scan the street beyond the window. “I don’t want you to look at me differently.”
What the fuck?
“There’s nothing you could say that would change how I look at you.”
Her gaze finds mine, and it’s full of fear. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She takes a slow breath. “It was sophomore year, and my brother was having a party with some friends from campus. My parents were gone for the weekend. There was a guy from his class—older, preppy, good looking. Like my brother, he’d gone to our high school, and a lot of the girls had a thing for him. I thought I did too. Until I didn’t.
“We were under the deck outside, drinking. He kept saying I wanted it, and I kept telling myself maybe I did, but it wasn’t true.”
The streetlights fly past the window, but I don’t bother to look out. I’m numb to everything but the woman in front of me.
“Did he rape you?”
The voice sounds like mine, but I don’t remember forming the question.
“Yes.”
I die.
A piece of my soul shrivels up, but my heart keeps beating because she keeps talking, and I need to be here for her. With her.
“There are parts of the night I remember, and others I don’t. I woke up in my bed. I was…” She swallows. “I was sore.”
Fuck. “He slipped something in your drink.”
A nod. “I went over it a hundred times. That’s the only thing I can come up with. I remember not wanting to be part of it. But the party was thirty feet away, and I didn’t scream. I didn’t do anything.”
“Did you report him?” My voice is even, as if listening to what she’s saying doesn’t make me feel as if I’m being burned alive.
None of it matters. I’m focused on her.
“I went to the police station but couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t tell my parents, not at first. But the burden got to be too much to keep it inside. I struggled in school. Couldn’t sleep. Stopped eating. When I admitted to my parents what happened, they fought over what to do about it. My mother wanted to have him charged and expelled from school. My father disagreed.”
If my teeth clench any harder, they might break. “How is that possible?”
“It’s not the way it sounds. The guy was from a connected family. My dad didn’t like seeing me hurt, and he thought reporting it would hurt me more. He tried to fix it in his own way. Got me a new computer. A synth. I wasn’t able to do anything productive, so I threw myself into making music.
“It was something I could do when I couldn’t do anything else. I’d spend hours working on tracks. Mixing and mastering. I didn’t need to act a certain way. I didn’t need to feel a certain way. I could put my headphones on and drown out the world. Hell, sometimes I could even drown out my thoughts.”
My chest is raw, scraped down to my ribs.
I wanted to know her.
I didn’t expectthis.
“When I stopped going out to parties, my supposed friends decided I wasn’t interesting anymore. The one person who believed me and didn’t leave me or make me feel like an outcast was my cousin, Callie.”
I hate that Rae suffered that kind of torture, and I hate that she kept this to herself. No wonder she doesn’t trust anyone to take care of her.
“I have one more question.” My voice is surprisingly even considering I’m a second from burning down the world. “Who was he?”
Before she can answer, her phone buzzes. She glances at the notifications.