Every line on the page is like tugging at a thread inside me, unraveling one more ball of wants and needs andfears.
My phone buzzes, making me jump. Somehow, it’s been nearly twohours.
Pen: We working on English after lunch?Jenna wantsin.
I tuck the letter into the back of my notebook and set both on my desk before taking a shower, scorching away what’s left of the feelings until I’mempty.
“Have you seen Tyler today?” Haley asks when I head downstairs for breakfast at noon. “He seemed upset last night, and his bike’sgone.”
“Nope.”
I play with Sophie and study my dad as he fixes a coffee. He keeps secrets from the world, but now I wonder how much he keeps hidden from metoo.
“I think you can be ungrounded,” he decides under Haley’s watchful gaze. “If you keep up yourschoolwork.”
The relief isn’t as big as I’d expected, like a single brick sliding off my chest and leaving ninety-ninemore.
“Freedom,” I inform Sophie solemnly, clapping. “Free-dom.”
She moves her arms, trying to clap along, and laughs at ourgame.
What if for a year and a half—a year older than Sophie is now—my dad knew I existed and wished Ididn’t?
Before I can play that out, the doorbell rings. Pen and Jenna fall inside the moment I openit.
“So… homework and snacks?” My friend holds up a box of minicupcakes.
Jenna wrinkles her nose. “Those will go straight to myass.”
“Good. More for me.” Pen’s already regaling us with stories of debate team as we settle into myroom.
“Ooh, what’s this?” Jenna asks, glancing at thenotebook.
“Nothing.” I grab for my journal, but she’s toofast.
“Is that your poetry assignment for English?” Jenna asks as she thumbs through thepages.
The letter remains tucked in the back, but my breath is tight in mychest.
She flips through to the pages I was writing today, emptying my soul onto the page. “Whoa, these are intense.” Her gaze flicks to mine, filled with anticipation. “Tell me they’re not aboutKellan.”
“No. Besides,” I go on, eager to change the subject, “isn’t he datingCarly?”
“Really?” Pen makes a face. “Scratch that. They’re perfect for eachother.”
“I can’t see it lasting,” Jenna comments, surprising us. “Kellan’s obsessed with himself, and Carly has the attention span of a flea. Except when it comes to what she can’thave.”
“Well, she’s running out of time if she wants to try to steal lead in themusical.”
“You’ve got balls, I’ll give you that.” Jenna shakes her head. “You’re getting really good in rehearsal. You have some secret sauce you want to share with the rest ofus?”
Tyler.
“I have nothing to lose,” I say at last, and shefrowns.
“We all have something tolose.”
I hold out a hand, and after a second, Jenna passes me the notebook. I tuck it into my desk drawer. “Let’s study in the diningroom.”