“I will.”
Beckett stared down into the bowl of popcorn. He occasionally picked up a piece, but he never actually ate it; always dropped it back into the bowl instead. A movie droned on in the background, but I had no idea what had happened after the first five minutes. I swore I could feel Beckett thinking, rummaging through something in his mind that was torturing him.
I leaned forward and picked up the remote, shutting off the television. It took Beckett a good minute or so to even realize it was off. He blinked at me a few times. “It’s over already?”
“I don’t think either of us was really watching it.”
Something about my words jarred Beckett from his slightly catatonic state. “Are you okay?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m fine, but you clearly aren’t.” He opened his mouth to deny it, but I pinned him with a stare. “No lies, remember?” His mouth snapped shut.
I sighed and shifted on the couch so I faced him. Somehow, Hayes had gotten a crew in today to repair the floor and window. You wouldn’t have even known that anything had happened just twenty-four hours ago.
I toyed with the edge of the blanket over our laps. “There’s been a lot in the last day.”
Beckett grunted. “Understatement.”
“I’m guessing that brought up some stuff for you.”
Beckett stiffened and kept staring at his bowl of popcorn. “I don’t want to go there, Addie.”
“Why?”
He set the bowl on the coffee table with a loud thunk. “Because I don’t want that shit in your head.”
“Newsflash, Beckett, I’ve lived through some pretty awful stuff. Seen and heard even worse. It won’t break me to hear your stories. And maybe sharing your burdens will make both of us feel better. You can’t expect me to lay all my baggage at your feet and think that I won’t want you to do the same.”
Beckett’s jaw moved side to side as he ground his back molars together.
I reached out and took his hand, linking our fingers in a sort of intricate knot, one that would take some effort to undo. “I want to be there for you, too.”
“I killed someone.”
My fingers tightened around his. “Okay.”
“Really, it was more like ten because I didn’t pull the damn trigger fast enough.”
So much pain poured off Beckett, it was like a living, breathing thing curling around both of us. “What happened?”
Beckett swallowed, staring down at our joined hands. “We have guards at our clinics in almost all our locations. You have to where narcotics exist that could get a good price on any market. But this clinic was tiny. So small, we only had one guard. There was only one entrance. We didn’t think we’d need it.”
“That makes sense.” I kept my voice even, but it was a struggle to do the same with my breathing.
“The problem with that is it’s easier to pay someone off. Five US dollars and that guard took a ten-minute break when someone told him to.”
My fingers tightened around Beckett’s. “What happened?”
“Someone came in with a gun. Looking back on it, I remember seeing him around the clinic in the days before. I should’ve known that something was up.”
“Because you saw someone around the neighborhood? He could’ve lived there.”
“He was too focused on our building. I should’ve known something was off. But I didn’t.”
I swept my thumb back and forth across Beckett’s hand, a silent request for him to continue.
“I didn’t see him come in. I was in the back, but I heard the screams. I ran out, and he was using her like a human shield, a gun to her head.”
“Who?” I asked softly.