Beckett’s hand dropped to his side as he took me in. “What do you mean?”
“He always said that flowers served no purpose. I was allowed to have a vegetable garden, but not once was a single bloom allowed in my beds or on the front porch or anywhere else. I used to dream of flowers—so many that I’d drown in color. I promised myself that once I was free, I would always have flowers.”
The tension running through Beckett’s shoulders eased, and he moved down the stairs towards me. “Addie.”
He moved as if he would bring me into a hug, but I stepped back. Hurt flashed on his face. That pain sliced at me, but I stayed strong. “If you hug me right now, I’ll be tempted to let you have your way. To give up a little more of what I’ve gained. I have to stand on my own two feet.”
A muscle in his cheek ticked. “I get that. I do. I just…”
His words trailed off, and there was such pain in his expression. I searched his face, trying to read each movement and micro-expression. Was it not being there to protect his sister that drove this need? I was sure that was part of it, but I sensed there was more. Beckett had worked in war-torn countries and communities recovering from natural disasters. I was sure he’d seen awful things. Maybe this was those ghosts haunting him.
A pang lit along my sternum, and I moved in closer, laying a hand on his chest, over his heart. “I’m always aware of my surroundings. I took the main streets with plenty of people around.”
Beckett placed his hand over mine. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I don’t want to drown your light. It’s the last thing I want to do.”
“Thank you. I promise I’m as safe as I can be. And you’re going to teach me self-defense, right?”
His mouth curved. “How about this afternoon?”
“I’d love that.”
“Why don’t I help you with the flowers this morning?” He glanced down at the pots and dirt, grimacing. “But I should warn you, I’ve got a bit of a black thumb. My mom used to say that Hayes and I could even kill a cactus.”
I couldn’t hold in my laughter. “That’s pretty bad, but I can show you the ropes.”
Beckett’s hand squeezed mine. “Couldn’t think of a better teacher.”
“I walk everywhere. How am I this out of shape?” My chest heaved as my lungs burned.
Beckett chuckled. “This is a different type of shape. You’ll get there, don’t worry.”
My muscles felt as if they were made of lead, and all Beckett had done was take me through a warmup exercise to get my muscles limber. We stood in the living room where Beckett had pushed back all the furniture to give us some space to move. I doubted Hayes had foreseen this when he’d allowed us to use his home. But what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
“You know if I die by heart attack during this so-called training, it’ll defeat the purpose of it.”
Beckett shook his head but grinned. “You’ll survive, but you might be a little sore tomorrow.”
“If I’m crying at work, you’re gonna hear about it.”
“I think Hayes has some Epsom salts in his bathroom upstairs. You should use those for a soak tonight.”
That sounded perfect. “Maybe we could just skip the training, and I could go straight to the bath portion of the evening.”
Beckett arched a brow. “I never took you for a wimp.”
I narrowed my eyes in his direction. “That’s not playing fair.”
“Who said I agreed to play fair?”
I grunted but made a motion for him to continue. “Let’s get this over with.”
“First, where are your keys?”
“My keys?”