Only today, I’d taken too long at the library and then dallied in front of The Gallery. It was stupid. Reckless. And now I was trying to make myself disappear altogether.
My eyes closed, hands fisting at my sides until my nails bit into my palms. I hated weakness—the fear coursing through me. It wasn’t even fear that he’d hurt me. I’d lived through decades of his torture and knew I could take it. I wouldn’t break. It was fear that he knew exactly the right things to say to get me to return. The buttons to push and the games to play.
There was nothing worse than not trusting your mind. To know that someone could weave words to make you second-guess everything you knew to be the truth. That was my father’s greatest tool.
Footsteps sounded on the walkway, and my eyes flew open.
“Addie?”
The rough voice that cut through the shadows had me wanting to vanish right into the brick behind me. I shifted on my feet, glancing from the man to the street, trying to map my best route of escape. “Hi, Beckett,” I croaked.
Everly’s soon-to-be brother-in-law took a step towards me. His large, hulking frame had me inching closer to the sidewalk. As I did, he froze. “Everything okay?” The words were almost growled, anger lacing through them.
I nodded rapidly, looking like one of those bobblehead dolls. “I’m fine, but I should be going.”
I stepped around Beckett, giving him a wide berth.
“I can give you a ride if you need one.”
“No, thank you.” The words trailed behind me, but I was already halfway down the walkway.
When I reached the side street, I sucked in air. My hands trembled at my sides, and guilt washed over me at my reaction. Beckett had never been anything but kind to me. But his presence was overwhelming. Tall and broad. Handsome, but with an almost feral edge. That edge told me he was a predator, and I needed to watch my step.
I wove my way home, picking the streets with the least traffic. I didn’t want to risk seeing my father or Beckett again. It took me about ten minutes longer to get there, but I breathed a sigh of relief as the white farmhouse came into view. It wasn’t mine, but it had become my refuge—the same way the falls had been for so many years.
My steps faltered as a figure rose from the steps. I relaxed a fraction as she smiled. Everly inclined her head to my tote bag. “Been at the library?”
“It was time for a new haul.” I forced myself to walk up the stone path towards her. A familiar swirl of happiness and reticence moved through me as I started in my cousin’s direction.
“Looks like a good one.”
I tightened my hold on the strap. “Would you like to come in? I have tea.”
Everly beamed, and I felt like the worst person on the planet. She was trying. Everly and her fiancé, Hayes, had done so much for me, yet I was still holding onto my fear and hurt. She had left Wolf Gap years ago. She’d had no choice, but it had left me with no one. No mom, no cousin. No one who loved me at all. She’d left me alone to deal with the monster who called himself my father. Who was to say she wouldn’t do it again?
“I’d love that,” she said. “I brought some cookies we can have with it.”
I took in a shuddering breath, hoping that with my exhale, I could release some of the memories I held onto so tightly. I took my keys out of my pocket and moved to unlock the door. My hand trembled slightly, residual adrenaline from seeing my dad and the run-in with Beckett.
It took me a moment to get the door unlocked, and as soon as I did, the alarm beeped. When I had moved into Hayes’ old house, it had taken me weeks to figure the dang thing out. I’d set it off more times than I could count, but I had finally mastered it. I punched in the code and set it to home.
“The house looks great,” Everly said as she stepped inside.
The least I could do for Hayes was to keep his house in good condition when he was letting me stay here for free. “I was thinking I might re-stain the back deck before winter hits. It could probably use it.”
“Oh, you don’t need to do that. I’ll tell Hayes, and he’ll get a crew over here—”
“No.” The single word came out more harshly than I’d intended, and I worked to even my tone with my next words. “I don’t want him to do that. I like helping, and it’ll be easy for me to do.” But, in truth, I knew I’d be a wreck if a bunch of strange men were hovering around the house, even if they were only outside.
Everly reached out as if she might squeeze my arm but stopped herself. “All right. We have an account at the hardware store. Just put whatever supplies you need on that.”
I nodded. I hated that I couldn’t afford to simply buy them the materials, but I wasn’t exactly overflowing with money. I nannied for Hayes’ best friend, Calder, a few days a week, but since Calder had married Hayes’ sister, Hadley, those hours had dwindled. Birdie and Sage simply didn’t need a babysitter as much now that they had two parents in the picture.
“Addie?”
I jolted from my thoughts at the sound of Everly’s voice. “Sorry, what?”
Concern swept across my cousin’s expression as she studied me. “Is everything okay?”