“Addie.” I hated that she had that last name. I didn’t want her to share anything with the man who had contributed to her DNA. As soon as humanly possible, I’d give her my last name.
“Addie,” Dr. Kim corrected.
“How is she?”
“She’s very sick. She’s in sepsis. Her stomach wound was badly infected. We cleaned that as thoroughly as possible and closed her back up. We started a strong cocktail of IV antibiotics, and we’re monitoring her to see if we might need to put her on dialysis.”
When a person reached sepsis, it strained their organs and put them at risk for shutting down. My back teeth ground together. “I need to see her.”
“She’s in ICU—”
I didn’t wait for him to finish. I strode to the elevators. I’d memorized the layout of the hospital when Hadley had been a patient months ago. I hit the button with a little more force than necessary. Still, it seemed to take forever for the elevator to arrive. The doors opened. Thankfully, the car was empty. I hit the button for the top floor and waited for the doors to close.
I counted up and down to ten, over and over again, as the elevator rose. Addie’s body wouldn’t fail. She was too strong. She never gave up.
The doors opened, and I strode out into the hall. I moved as quickly as possible without breaking into a run. I stopped in front of the double doors to the ICU and picked up the phone. It rang twice before someone answered.
“ICU,” a man’s voice greeted. “Who are you here to see?”
“Addie Kemper.”
“Of course. I’ll buzz you in. Please use the hand sanitizer next to the phone.”
I hung up and held my hand under the dispenser. Foam filled it, and I rubbed my palms together as the double doors swung open.
A man in scrubs who looked vaguely familiar appeared in front of me. “I’m Nurse Daniel. I’ll take you to Ms. Kemper.”
“Addie.”
“I’ll take you to Addie. Don’t be alarmed about all of the machines—”
“I’m a doctor,” I interrupted.
Daniel’s steps faltered, but he kept walking. “Sometimes it makes all of this harder to know what everything is.”
I swallowed down a wave of nausea.
“Here she is. If you need anything, just let me know.”
I moved into the room. The lights were too bright. They illuminated the room with a clarity I didn’t need. I saw every bruise—the fingerprints around Addie’s neck, the deep purple marks across her cheek. I could only imagine what was beneath the blankets.
She wasn’t hooked up to a respirator, but she had oxygen tubes in her nose, an IV in her hand, a blood pressure cuff on her arm, and a heart monitor. The tubes and wires seemed endless.
I moved slowly towards the bed, lowering myself into a chair and scooting it closer. “Addie.” My voice broke on her name.
I took her hand in mine. “I’m so sorry.” I’d never forgive myself for what she’d endured. If I’d only gone with her to Cora’s. If I’d told Hayes to screw off and gone to Allen’s alone three days earlier.
I held Addie’s hand up to my mouth. It was too cold. The tears fell, sliding down my cheeks onto our joined hands. “I love you.” I spoke the words against her skin, hoping that some part of her would hear them. Feel them.
“I can’t—” A sob tore free from my throat. “Don’t make me do this without you.”
49
ADDIE
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The incessant sound wouldn’t stop. It felt as if it were grating against my eardrums. I let out a moan.