As Shiloh took a sip of her tea, I turned back to Hayes. He had clearly perfected his mask over his years in law enforcement, but I saw glimmers of his true emotions beneath it. He was ravaged. Too many letters to count lay across the dining room table, each one placed in an evidence bag. But there were still more in a box that Shiloh had retrieved from her bedroom.
I hated the idea of her sleeping near the container of vileness, and that Howard Kemper’s voice was always close. If Hayes hadn’t needed them, I would’ve burned every damn one.
I didn’t want to see the words, but they jumped out at me.
Keep yourself pure for my boy. You’ll be his one day.
You’ll pay for running from the family I tried to give you.
I forgive you. You know not what you do.
Each letter oscillated in its level of sanity. Some read as completely unhinged, while others sounded like a pen pal had written them, with Howard sharing what books he’d been reading and how bad the food was in prison.
“How did she live with these and not tell anyone?” Hayes’ voice was barely audible.
My hands tightened around the back of the chair where I stood. “Because she has a strength that’s otherworldly.”
He pulled his focus away from the letters and glanced up at me. “I’m seeing that more and more.”
I couldn’t help the flare of annoyance at his words. Shiloh’s family had mistaken her silence for weakness for too long. I let out a breath, searching for calm. The mistake hadn’t been made because they didn’t care. Anyone could see how much they loved Shiloh.
I pulled the chair back and lowered myself into it. “You have to let her fight these battles. Trying to shield her from everything isn’t helping.”
A muscle in Hayes’ cheek ticked. “I know.”
A little more of the tension along my shoulders bled out of me. “But it can’t be easy.”
“Do you know what it’s like to blame yourself for someone’s life being destroyed?”
I sucked in air. He had no idea how well I knew. I could keep that fact to myself, or I could reach out and offer Hayes some understanding. I searched his face. I didn’t see any of the callous uncaring the officers who’d sent me away showed.
“Every day after my stepfather murdered my mother. I wondered if it would have been different if I’d just told a teacher what was happening at home. If I could’ve caught him on camera and gone to the press with the tape. A million different what-ifs haunted me.”
“Hell,” Hayes muttered. “I’m so damn sorry you went through that.” He shook his head. “I guess we all carry wounds.”
“It’s what we do with them that matters. Shiloh is putting hers to good use.”
Hayes’ head jerked. “To good use?”
“She has a gift. Reached a horse in a matter of days. One that would’ve taken me months to build trust with. I’m teaching her some methods, but that piece of magic you need in you to do this work? She has it in spades. And that’s because of what she went through. She’s taking the bad and turning it into good.”
Hayes let out a shaky breath. “Everly does that. Takes the bad and twists it into something so beautiful you wouldn’t believe.”
“The animal sanctuary.”
He nodded. “I never thought I’d be able to see that land as something good. But it is. It’s giving back to animals and the community. She healed something in all of us by doing it.” His mouth curved. “She bought a bunch of sledgehammers and gave them to us to tear down the shed Shiloh had been kept in.”
I felt a tearing sensation deep in my chest.Shed. Kept.I struggled to push down the rage straining to get free.
“Shy was the first to take a swing. It was a piece of freeing her.”
I could picture it in my mind. Because as much as Shiloh used avoidance as a defense mechanism, she wasn’t afraid to fight. And that strength in her was so deep. So powerful.
I scrubbed a hand over my face. “She’s finding more and more of those pieces. You just have to let her.”
“I want that for her. I really do. But then there’s this.” He lifted the newest letter, his jaw tensing.
That rage was back, pushing at the walls I used to lock it down. “Can you tell anything?”