“Ramsey.”
16
RAMSEY
She was so damn beautiful,even as she fell apart. Maybe it was the loss of composure that made her even more gorgeous, those fiercely guarded walls beginning to crumble.
I’d seen them falter before, but I’d never seen them fall. In all the years she’d been coming to my ranch, I’d never seen a tear escape those captivating blue eyes. Not once. I’d seen her struggle for composure. Saw her heart breaking. But tears had never come.
The fact that they came now broke something in me. I moved on instinct, wrapping my arms around Shiloh. She froze, going rock-solid. The rigidity beneath my hands was so stark I almost released her, but then her hands fisted in my shirt.
She gripped the flannel so hard the material pulled taut against my back. She burrowed into me as if I were the only thing standing between her and whatever currently wreaked havoc on her system.
My gaze lifted to the sight below, whatever Shiloh had been so intently watching that she hadn’t heard my approach. My spine went ramrod straight as I took in the mourners. I knew instantly who they were honoring.
A man who didn’t deserve their tears and memories. My back teeth ground together. I knew it wasn’t that simple, but I couldn’t help the simmering rage. Howard Kemper had done irrevocable damage to Shiloh, and that wasn’t something I could forgive.
“Why?” It was the only thing I could think to ask. When I saw her start off alone with Kai, I’d never expected this to be her destination.
Shiloh shuddered against me but pulled back, lifting her gaze to mine. She didn’t ask for clarification of my question. Like so many other things that passed between us, she instantly understood. “I needed to see him go into the ground. To know that this is over.”
An ache started in my jaw, my molars protesting the tight clench. “Why didn’t you tell me? You know I would’ve gone with you.”
Shiloh stepped back out of my hold. She didn’t move to wipe the tears from her face, though. She let the evidence of their presence stay just where it was. No apologies, even though I knew she hated to show what some might consider weakness.
She stared at me in a way that had me fighting to squirm. “I didn’t think you’d want to go anywhere with me.”
The muscles between my shoulder blades tightened. “Why in the world would you think that?”
“You put up a pretty clear boundary last night. And I respect that. I appreciate you giving me a place to stay, looking out for me—”
“Shiloh.” Shit. I’d made a mess of things. But what was new? “This isn’t about me not wanting to spend time with you.”
She arched a brow in question, the movement a graceful way of calling bullshit.
I squeezed the back of my neck. I wouldn’t let her hurt because of my screwup. “I want to spend time with you. Too much.”
Those ice-blue eyes flared, pleasure followed quickly by uncertainty swirling in their depths.
Hell. I didn’t need to see that hint of desire in her—it was the last thing I needed. “I’m not built for relationships. I can’t—I wouldn’t be the kind of partner anyone needed.”
“So, you shut me out?”
There wasn’t anger in her tone, more like confusion as if she were trying to understand thewhybehind my actions.
“Didn’t want to do something I’d regret. Something that might hurt you in the long run.”
Shiloh nodded slowly. “I’m not built for it either. Don’t know the first thing about it.” She reached down and scratched behind Kai’s ears, her cheeks pinking. “I usually can’t even handle anyone touching me. I wouldn’t be good at…”
Her voice trailed off, but I caught her meaning. She’d mentioned before how touch hurt. I needed to know more. To understand where that came from. “What happens when someone touches you?”
Shiloh’s gaze drifted to the funeral below. “It’s like it grates against my skin. I feel like I can’t breathe. Trapped.”
“Like you’re still in that shed.”
She nodded, her hands clenching at her sides and then picking up a tapping rhythm against her thighs. “He beat me. Told me it was to get the evil out. He wrapped his hands around my throat and squeezed to the point where I thought it was the end. He told me Ian would be my husband and that he would make sure I was a good wife for his son.”
Rage lit and blasted through me, burning my insides in its wake. She’d been too young to truly understand what that threat could mean, but some part of her had intuited it. No wondershe balked at touch of any kind. She’d been brutalized and threatened with worse.