My jaw slackened as I sucked in a breath. “Kay…”
She gripped me tighter. “Answer me.”
“I’m not cheating on anyone.”
“I never thought you would do something like this. Never.” Her voice trembled as she spoke.
Gilly moved to the couch, sinking down next to her sister and rubbing a hand up and down her back. “Kay, you don’t mean that. Laiken—”
“Idomean it,” Kay snapped. Her eyes bored into me. “I thought you loved him.”
“I do love him. With all my heart. But it’s been a long time. I have to move on with my life. To try and be happy.” But this was the first time I’d ever actually reached for it. It had taken almost losing that chance for more to wake me up. I’d found a career I loved in two different ways. I had friends, people I adored, but I’d never actually opened my heart. Not in the real, scary way I was now.
“You promised him forever,” Kay said in a hoarse whisper.
My heart cracked at her words. So much pain flooding each and every crevice. “We didn’t have a chance at that forever.”
Kay stared at me, her lips going white because she was pressing them together so hard. She released her grip on my hand. “Get out.”
“Kay,” Gilly croaked.
“Get out!” Kay screamed the words so loudly, it felt as if they rattled my brain.
I scrambled to my feet as Kay burst into tears.
Gilly stood, frozen in shock, her eyes going back and forth between Kay and me. I started for the door, but Gilly grabbed my elbow, speaking in hushed tones. “She doesn’t mean it.”
“I think she does.” And it cracked something deep inside me to know that she did. “I can’t keep doing this.”
A mixture of anger and hurt flashed in Gilly’s eyes. “She’s been like a mother to you.”
“I know that, but all we’re doing now is hurting each other.”
“Maybe if you backed off this thing with Boden for a little bit—”
I shook my head. “I can’t. I can’t keep putting my life on hold. It kills me that I lost Jase, but I didn’t die with him. I have tolive.”
Gilly’s lips thinned, but she nodded. “I’m sorry. About all of this.”
“Me, too.” I said the words as I slowly backed away from the two women who had always been there for me. Invisible claws shredded my chest. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the beginning of the end. I’d been clinging to Jase through his family, wanting to keep that connection alive, but maybe I was doing more harm than good.
I opened the front door and stepped out onto the front porch. The cold afternoon air was a balm to my burning lungs. I closed my eyes for a moment and simply focused on breathing. My body trembled as I grabbed hold of the porch railing, trying to steady myself.
“You just had to rub it in her face.”
I whirled at the sound of Jax’s voice. His expression was a mixture of so many things: pain, worry, rage. I clenched and flexed my hands at my sides, trying to get rid of the tingling sensation in my fingers. “I didn’t rub anything in anyone’s face. The last thing I want to do is hurt your mom.”
He scoffed. “What did you think would happen when you ran off for a romantic getaway with a fucking movie star? The entire town was blabbing about it.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call it a romantic getaway. People don’t get shot on those.”
Jax smirked. That same cocky tip of the lips he’d had forever, but one that had gotten meaner over the past years. Crueler. “Serves him right.”
My jaw dropped. “What happened to you? Did your humanity die with Jase? Boden hasn’t done anything to anyone, and he could’ve been killed.”
A muscle fluttered wildly in Jax’s cheek. “He’s hurting my family.You’rehurting them.”
“I can’t stop living my life to protect Kay from hurt. The fact that she would rather I be alone for the rest of my life so that she can pretend her son is coming backkillsme. And it’s so damn unfair.”