My dad was quiet for a moment, the wind humming in the background. “That’s a good thing. You deserve to be happy, Bo.”
My throat burned. There had been so many days over the past six months where I hadn’t been sure that was true.
Dad must’ve sensed my thoughts because he pushed on. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know. Most of the time. There are a lot of feelings, and they’re all a tangled knot.”
“That’s understandable. I’d give anything to take away what happened. I don’t know why Eli seems so hell-bent on taking away what makes you happy. It breaks something in me to see my boys so at odds. But everything I do just seems to make it worse.”
My fingers tightened around the phone. “You’re not responsible for Eli.” The words were so similar to the ones Laiken had given me last night, yet I knew these were the truth.
“Aren’t I? I raised him. Somewhere, I missed the mark. Maybe missed a sign I should’ve seen. Went too easy on him or didn’t make him feel like he’d always be loved and accepted.”
“Dad—”
“I’m so damn sorry. I feel like I’ve let you both down.”
“You haven’t.” It stoked that simmering anger in me to think about my father, the best man I’d ever known, feeling the weight of this so heavily. “There’s a cruelty in him. I don’t know where it came from. A twist of a gene or something he learned along the way. But it’s there. And I know he didn’t get it from you or Mom.”
Dad blew out a breath, the sound creating static through the speaker. “Maybe you’re right.” He was quiet for a moment. “Have you heard from him?”
I wouldn’t lie. My dad deserved the truth, even if it hurt. “A few nasty text messages. One asking for money.”
“Hell.”
“I blocked the numbers he’s texted from. Haven’t heard from him in a few days.”
“Maybe I’ll go check on him—”
“Don’t. He needs to find his own way, Dad. You’ve done enough. He knows he has an open bed at that rehab facility whenever he’s ready to make the jump.”
Lex barked in the background, and my dad let out a grunt as he bent to pick up her ball. “Maybe you’re right. Here I am, unloading on you when I was supposed to be calling for a check-in.”
“It’s allowed to work both ways.”
“You’re right. But I want to hear about this girl of yours.”
A smile curved my mouth. “She’s gorgeous. Has eyes that punch right through you. She’s not afraid to put me in my place.”
“I love her already. She have a name?”
“Laiken.” My tongue curved around the syllables, holding them for a little longer than necessary.
“Laiken. Pretty name. When do we get to meet her?”
I winced. “I don’t know about that. I’m pretty sure I screwed things up last night.”
“I’ve done that a time or two. Want to talk it through?”
That was always my dad’s offer. Not that he had all the answers, but he could be a sounding board to help me find my path. I’d never been given a greater gift. “She lost a couple friends recently. There’s a memorial for one today. She asked if I’d go with her. I said no.”
“Why’d you do a boneheaded thing like that?”
His words startled a laugh out of me. “So much for kindness and understanding.”
“Well, I didn’t raise my son to be an idiot.”
A little of the smile slipped off my face. “I’m not sure I can handle it. She needs someone to lean on. I’d probably be a mess just trying to keep my own demons at bay.”