The simple touch made my eyes burn. Chip used to throw affection around with casual ease. But somewhere along the line, that changed. His actions had become stilted, forced, and far less frequent. I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed that point of contact to assure myself that he was still here. “I’ll do anything I can to help.Anything.”
Chip’s eyes reddened. “I know, Laiken. I wish there were a magic button you could press to fix it all. But, sometimes, the break is too great.”
My heart twisted and squeezed. “I can’t imagine the burden you’re carrying, but if I can help shoulder the weight in any way, all you have to do is ask.”
He nodded, his feet shuffling. “This is good. Right here.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “You’re a good woman, Laiken. He would’ve been honored to stand by your side.”
My throat burned. There were things I knew that Jase would be proud of, but there were others I knew he’d shake his head at. Things I was scared to step into. Things like the text message waiting, unanswered, on my phone.
“He’s so much of who I’ve become.”
Chip’s mouth curved the barest amount. “I like to think that he had a part in that. It’s like he lives on through you.” His eyes misted over, and he motioned me inside. “I’m going to head out to the barn. Kay’s in the living room.”
I didn’t try to stop him. Chip needed his privacy to let the emotions go. I could give him that.
I moved through the entryway and into the living space. Kay sat with her back to me, staring out the large windows at the back of the house and the view of the field and forest. You could even see cattle grazing and a creek weaving through the space.
Circling the couch, I lowered myself to the cushions. “Hey, Kay.”
Her head swung in my direction, and she blinked a few times as if trying to bring me into focus. “Laiken.”
“How are you feeling?”
Her mouth trembled. “I’m having a few bad days.”
I reached out, taking her hand in mine. “It happens to all of us.”
She nodded slowly, her gaze returning to the windows. “I miss him.”
“Me, too.”
“Sometimes, I get mad. So angry at everyone, I feel like it could burn me alive.”
I squeezed her hand a little tighter, a silent acknowledgment that I was here. Listening.
Tears filled Kay’s eyes. “They don’t miss him as much as they should. They don’t feel this pain like I do. They aren’t being eaten alive from the inside out.”
“Kay. No one will ever miss Jase as much as you do. You’re his mother. He came from you. It’s a kind of pain no one can understand unless they’ve been through it. But that doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t missing him, too. They just may have a different way of showing it.”
Her head snapped in my direction, her eyes heating with anger. “They don’t talk about him. They just go on with their lives like everything’s fine. Even Jax and Serena barely say his name.”
Likely because they were afraid of sending their mother into a state like she was in now. These episodes had gotten fewer and further apart, but I knew they must shake Jax and Serena. I swept my thumb back and forth across the back of Kay’s hand. “Have you tried asking them about it? Telling them that you’d like to talk about Jase more?”
Her lips pursed. “No.”
“I think we all need more communication. If you share what might help you, I bet they’ll jump at the chance to do it. They love you. More than anything. Tell them what you need.”
Tears filled her eyes. “You’re right. I need to talk to them.” She let out a shaky breath. “Will you talk about him with me now?”
I smiled. “I’d love to.”
The bell signaledas I opened the door to the gallery. Raised voices greeted me.
“For the love of all that’s holy, Serena. We are not painting the walls in here pink.” Gilly’s bracelets jangled as she gestured around the space.
Serena stiffened her spine. “I wasn’t suggesting a magenta or anything. Just a soft blush. It would set us apart from the other galleries in town.”
Gilly pinched the bridge of her nose. “There’s a reason they don’t have pink walls. It skews the way the art shows.”