“No. You lost a fuck buddy. I lost my goddamned brother!”
My hand trembled, and I lowered the glass to rest on my knee. “I loved him, too.”
Jax’s dark eyes flashed. “Did you?”
I pushed to my feet. “You know I did. You saw it every damned day. Don’t you dare question that.” My hand began shaking again.
“It was your damn grand idea to come play fun police and break up my party. If you hadn’t been such a tight-assed bitch, my brother would still be here.”
I lost my grip on the glass. It dropped to the floor, smashing into a million tiny pieces—shards so small there was no way to put them back together. Not in a way that would make a working glass again. Sometimes, like now, I felt just like that glass. Shattered beyond recognition.
Kay hurried over, a worried look on her face as her gaze bounced back and forth between Jax and me. “Accident?” She waved over a waiter. “Can you please find a dustpan and broom so we can clean this up?”
“Of course, ma’am.”
Jax’s hot gaze hadn’t left my face. It bored into me as if he could strike me down with it. I’d wanted authenticity, anything but polite conversation. But it was like they said:Be careful what you wish for.
“I’m sorry, Kay. I’m not feeling well. I need to head home.”
Worry lined her expression. “Do you need me to drive you?”
Gilly hurried over, patting Kay’s shoulder. “No, you stay. I can give Laiken a ride.”
“No.” The single word came out more harshly than intended. I softened it with a shaky smile. “I just need to rest for a little bit.”
Gilly’s gaze narrowed on me, but she nodded. “You promise to text if you need anything?”
“I promise.”
Jax scoffed. “Yeah, bend over backwards forLaik. Not like she hasn’t already fucked everything up.”
I whirled on him, white-hot pain lancing up my spine. “You don’t get to call me that. You lost that right a long time ago. Maybe you never should’ve had it.”
Jax stumbled back a step, and I caught a hint of booze on his breath. He held up both hands, a smirk playing on his lips. “Why don’t you get out of here before you cause more of a scene?”
My gaze darted around the room. So many sets of eyes focused directly on us. The attention grated against my skin, leaving it raw and exposed.
I turned and headed for the door, but I didn’t take a full breath until I sank into the driver’s seat of my car. My hands tightened around the wheel as the burning behind my eyes intensified. It was all a mess. Everything twisted and shattered like the vehicle they’d pulled my and Jase’s bodies from. And it was only getting worse.
4
Laiken
I was swimmingin a dark sea, the waves battering me. I heard Jase’s voice calling out for me. “Love you, Laik. Forever and a day.”
I tried to get my answer out. To tell him, “Forever and two days.” But the water choked me, and the sea darkened even more.
Jax’s voice replaced Jase’s. “You killed him.”
I shot up in bed, my heart hammering against my ribs. My pajamas clung to my damp skin. Gizmo let out a little whimper as he dragged himself closer to me and licked my arm.
I brushed a hand over his head. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”
Gizmo pressed into my hand. I lifted him, cuddling his little body against my chest. “What would I do without you?”
My muscles still trembled. The dreams always felt so real. Sometimes, I woke up and swore I’d swum a mile in them.
I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. A little after five. It wasn’t worth trying to find sleep again, especially in damp sheets.