Chip squeezed her hand. “You were honoring his memory.”
“I was trying to. But I think when our Jase died, it created one more crack in Gilly. This year being the tenth anniversary, Robert Aaron getting out, me struggling…it was all too much. She’d had some issues in the past, but nothing like this.”
I held tightly to the arms of my chair. “Grief changes us. We just have to make sure it doesn’t twist us into something ugly. And, sometimes, if we’re lucky, it can make us more beautiful because we recognize pain and can help ease it in others.”
Kay reached out and squeezed my hand. “You’re so right, my beautiful girl.”
We talked and sipped hot chocolate for another hour. We reminisced about Jase and shared stories of growing up here on this land. Then I hugged them all goodbye and headed for my SUV.
As I reached the bottom step, Jax rounded the house. I stopped, holding up a hand. “My emotions are all wrung out. If you’re gonna yell at me, please save it for another day.”
He grunted, his hands fisting at his sides. “I blame myself. I was a selfish asshole in my teens and early twenties. All I wanted was a good time and didn’t care who I hurt. I knew I shouldn’t have thrown a party that night. That I’d gotten Jase in trouble before for the same thing. But I didn’t care.”
He swallowed, his gaze shifting to the fields around us. “All that rage…it was eating me alive. I knew if I turned it inward where it belonged, I’d never survive. So, I cast it out. To anyone who was associated with Jase and the accident. When I didn’t have access to Aaron anymore, I turned to you and the rest. But it was me that I really should’ve been screaming those ugly things at.”
“No.” I strode forward and gave Jax a little shove. “You are not to blame for this. The only one who is responsible is Robert Aaron. And he’s dead. You have to let this go. Or it’ll kill you. I don’t want that for your parents or sister. I don’t even want that for you. I wouldn’t mind a little swift kick in the ass, though.”
His lips twitched. “Fair enough. I’m sorry, Laiken. You loved my brother so damn well. He’d want you to have everything you dreamed of.”
“If you make me cry right now, I really will be mad.”
Jax held up both hands. “I’ll stop. If you need anything, help around the gallery, anything fixed, just let me know.”
It was an olive branch. I could hold on to all my anger and hurt, or I could take it. But I couldn’t do both. We might never be close the way we used to be, but we didn’t have to be enemies, either. “I’ll call if I need something.”
“Good.” Jax bobbed his head. “You’d better get back to that movie star of yours. I heard celebrities can be pretty demanding.”
My mouth curved. “Spoiled, too.” But I wouldn’t change a damn thing about him.
48
Boden
“This couch is heaven.”I stretched out an arm for Laiken to join me on the massive sectional in my parents’ rental house as Peaches and Gizmo burrowed into my other side. They’d been stuck to me like glue since I got home, and it was damn adorable.
Her mouth pulled down into a frown as she sat. “I still think you should’ve stayed a few more nights.”
“I agree,” my mother said, setting down a tray of snacks.
“I slept a million times better in a real bed last night without nurses bugging me every ten minutes.”
“They were bugging you to make sure you were still alive,” Laiken said with an exasperated sigh.
I leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “That’s what I have you for.”
“I’m not a medical professional!”
My dad chuckled as he joined my mom on the couch. “He’ll have you pulling your hair out before you know it.”
“Or turning it gray,” Mom muttered. “This one did that to me.”
“Hey.” My dad gave her a quick kiss. “I’m worth it.”
“Some days.”
I couldn’t hold in my laughter. This time, my chest barely twinged. “I missed you guys.”
My mom smiled over at me. “We missed you, too.”