I pressed hard against his chest, and Boden let out a pained moan.
“Boden. Open your eyes.” Tears slid down my cheeks, splashing onto my hands. I leaned all my weight onto him.
Gilly screamed as Hayes cuffed her, the sound grating on my eardrums.
“Boden, please.”
His eyes fluttered, then nothing.
I wanted to give him my blood. To tear open a vein and pour it into him.
A shadow swung over us, and my head jerked up as Jax lowered himself to the floor. He reached out to do something, and I batted him away. “No! Don’t touch him. Don’t you touch him.”
His eyes flared. “I’m going to check his pulse.”
“No. You’ll kill him just so I hurt more. You don’t get to touch him.”
I was sobbing now, my whole body shaking as sirens sounded in the background, and Gilly screamed louder.
All color leached from Jax’s face. “I won’t. I just want to help. I’m taking EMT training classes.”
“No!” I screamed. “Get away from us!”
The sobs came faster and harder. Hands gripped my shoulders, and I kicked out. Hayes cursed, but I didn’t stop. He gripped me tighter. “The EMTs are here. Let them help.”
But I couldn’t. Some part of me was so sure that I was the only one who could keep Boden alive. The only one who could fix him.
“A little help here?” Hayes yelled.
“Shit,” Deputy Young said as she aided Hayes in pulling me away from Boden.
I screamed and kicked. And then I simply broke. I collapsed into Hayes’ hold and let everything go.
I rocked backand forth in the waiting room chair. The hard plastic bit into my spine, but I welcomed each flare of pain. I wanted my body to hurt. If I was in enough pain, then maybe my heart wouldn’t feel as if it were being shredded to pieces in my chest.
A shiver wracked my body. A moment later, a sweatshirt landed in my lap. Worry lined Beckett’s face. “Put that on. You getting pneumonia isn’t going to help anyone.”
I pulled the warm fabric over my head. I couldn’t do anything about my wet hair. The hospital had to offer me a shower because I’d been covered in blood. Boden’s blood. So much of it, I didn’t know how he was still breathing.
He’d coded in the ambulance on the way here, but they’d gotten his heart beating again. Boden was strong. The strongest man I’d ever known. He was a fighter—for himself and for me.
A sob crept up my throat, but I swallowed it down. Addie tried to reach out for my hand, but I tugged it away. I couldn’t. Didn’t want anyone to touch me.
All I wanted was Boden’s warm hand in mine. To feel that flame of his, heating every inch of my skin. To see the gold in his hazel eyes blazing brightly.
Tears burned the backs of my eyes, a few slipping free. I felt the others’ stares on me. Everly’s stoic concern. Hadley’s frenetic worry. She had been one of the EMTs to work on Boden. She knew how bad it was.
Calder rubbed a hand down her back. But he didn’t offer us any reassurances. He knew from being a firefighter that no outcome was guaranteed.
I picked up my rocking again.
Hayes appeared in the doorway, and my movements stilled. “Anything?”
He shook his head. “Nothing from the doctors. I got ahold of Boden’s parents. They’re on their way.”
Oh, God. His parents. They’d already been through so much.
“Gilly?” Beckett asked.