He moved into my space, pressing his lips to my temple. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that in front of Calla, but Toby pissed me off.”
“I don’t care if he punched you in the face. You shouldn’t have said those things in front of hisgirlfriend.”
Calder twisted a strand of my hair around his finger. “You’re right.” He was quiet for a moment. “Do you guys have a history?”
“Me and Toby?”
He nodded.
“No. He made a move on me once, years ago. Not too long after everything blew up with you and me. I told Toby that I wasn’t interested in him like that, and it hasn’t been an issue since.”
Calder’s twisting of my hair stopped as I spoke. “I’m so fucking sorry. I feel like I’m always going to pay for the mess I made of things.”
There was so much pain and grief in those words, and it ripped away the worst of my anger. I pressed a palm to Calder’s chest. “I love you. I’ve forgiven you. Hell, there’s no one I’ve loved in this world more than you. There’s nothing for you to be jealous or worried about.”
Calder’s hand slid along my jaw to my neck. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been in love with, too.”
My eyes flared. “Calder—”
“It’s true. I’ll never regret that Jackie gave me those two beautiful girls, but I never loved her.”
“There were times I saw you two together that I would’ve thought otherwise.”
“Jackie was good at putting on an act, and she was always intimidated by you, by the connection we had.”
“Seriously?”
“It’s true.” Calder brushed his lips against mine. “Everyone but you could see how much you owned me, way before you should’ve. Never feel more alive than when I’m with you. You’re like a fire that lives inside me. Even when I thought it was all burned out, there were still embers that lived in my bones. They’ll always be there, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I’d felt those embers in me. I’d done everything I could to snuff them out. But they kept right on burning. I thought I was broken because of it. Now, I wondered if it was because Calder and I were always meant to be.
I pressed my lips to the spot above his heart. “Trust those embers. I don’t want anyone else.”
Calder’s hand slipped beneath the hem of my tank top. “I do. Today wasn’t about not trusting you. It was about not liking how Toby looked at you. It was about hating myself for giving him an opening.”
My fingers sifted through Calder’s hair, tilting his head so I could look him in the eyes. “The time we were apart only showed me how much better life is with you.”
Something about the words broke the last of Calder’s resolve. His hands were desperate as he tugged my tank top free and then my sleep shorts. His mouth devoured mine, tongue stroking in and out.
His fingers found my core, teasing and then entering. My hand slipped into his pajama pants. His skin was so soft, and the juxtaposition of that softness against the hardness underneath sent a pleasant shiver through me.
Calder’s thumb circled my clit, and I arched my back. Each pass was another step up a mountain we were climbing together. Each twist of his fingers inside me brought me closer to the edge of that cliff. We’d chased the horizon together so many times. This time, we were building one of our own.
“Calder.” His name came out on a hoarse whisper. He didn’t need anything else. He knew exactly what I was asking for.
He shucked his flannel pants and settled between my legs. The weight of him wasn’t too much. That pressure of him on top of me as his tip bumped my entrance only made me feel more connected to him.
I let out a moan as he pushed inside. My legs came up, hooking around his waist. Then he was driving into me.
There was that familiar, feral edge to the movement, as if we were both trying to imprint this moment onto each other’s bones forever. I met him thrust for thrust as we climbed even higher, to a place I’d never been before.
Our gazes locked, neither of us looking away as we pushed each other even more. My muscles trembled as I began to tighten. “Calder.” His name was a breath, a plea. A coming together and a falling apart.
As we spiraled off that cliff together, I felt it all—everything that was between us. The joy and pain. The depths of understanding and the unknown future. The hope of what we were becoming.
But most of all, I felt free. In that moment, I realized I’d found a different kind of freedom in life with Calder. It wasn’t something I had to chase, like flipping off mountains or any of my other daredevil tricks. This was something that would always be there. A constant. It was steady and warm and light. It didn’t fence me in or force me to be someone I wasn’t. It let me fly.
35