Mom’s gaze jumped to me. “Hadley, you didn’t.”
I stiffened, my back going ramrod straight.
“What about Birdie and Sage? You can’t live your life the way you do with children involved. How will they react when you get bored with your fling and decide to take off for a month?”
Everyone was stunned silent. The only thing I could hear was the blood roaring in my ears. “It’s not a fling.” I spoke the words softly, hoping they crossed the space.
My mom’s lips pressed into a firm line. “Everything is dispensable to you, Hadley. You pick things up and put them down on any little whim. Cancel plans, disappear whenever you want. The same goes with the people in your life. Something gets hard or complicated? Someone asks something of you that you don’t want to give? You simply walk away. I won’t let you do that to Birdie and Sage. Calder, either. You’ll stop this right now before someone truly gets hurt.”
Fire burned my throat. “The only person I’ve ever walked away from was you, Mom. Because you don’t seem to have a care in the world that you destroy me on a weekly basis. Why would I choose to put myself in that kind of position?”
Her shoulders straightened, her chin jutting out. “If you are hurt by me stating the truth, then maybe you need to look at your life a little more closely.”
“It’s not the truth! It’s your twisted interpretation, and I’m done with it.”
“Calder deserves better than someone who will leave him high and dry. He’s been through enough already.”
“And you get to decide who he deserves? And that’s Addie, right? She’s the daughter you wished you would’ve gotten. She does whatever you ask.”
Color hit my mother’s cheeks. “Do I think Addie would be a better match for Calder? Yes. She’s steady, responsible—”
“Enough!” Calder barked. “What about what I want? This beautiful, kind, strong woman next to me? The one who has put up with your nonsense for all these years because she doesn’t want to put her family in a tough spot? That’s who I choose. The one who has cared for me even when I didn’t deserve it. That’s who I choose. The one who makes me feel alive. That’s who I choose.”
Tears burned the backs of my eyes as my hand gripped Calder’s tighter.
Mom clasped her hands in front of her, knuckles bleaching white. “I love my daughter, but I also know her. You can’t strap a child to a bike and leave for weeks on end. Or take them repelling down a cliff. You must see that.”
But it wasn’t that. It was that she truly didn’t think I was good enough for Calder. Something in me would always be a disappointment to her. Less than. Unacceptable. Never, not once, good enough.
I pulled my fingers from Calder’s grasp. I didn’t have any words to say to my mother or anyone else in the room. It hurt too much. I simply turned on my heel and walked out the door.
31
Calder
The door didn’t slamin typical Hadley fashion. I could only hear the soft snick of the latch because the space was deadly quiet. No one moved for a few beats.
Hayes was the first to do so, standing from his stool and moving to face his mother. “What is wrong with you?”
Julia blinked a few times as if bringing her son into focus. “Hayes, you know she isn’t ready to be a mother. I don’t want Birdie and Sage to get hurt—”
“Hadley’s been a constant in their lives since they were born. They love her, feel supported by her,” Hayes argued.
It was more than that. My daughters feltseenby her. I was starting to realize that precious gift came from her pain. Hadley knew what it was like to feel constantly overlooked and misinterpreted. She knew how much it hurt to have the person who was supposed to love her the most think the worst of her.
Hayes shook his head. “This isn’t okay. You need to get some help.”
Julia’s mouth slackened as she looked around the room, her gaze jumping from one person to the next.
There was only one word to describe Gabe’s expression. Ravaged. As if for the first time, he truly realized the damage his wife had done over the years. “Julia,” he whispered.
Her spine snapped straight. “You know, Gabe. What she’s put me through over the years. All the unnecessary worry to go chase whatever flight of fancy she has. Now,I’mthe bad guy for pointing out that she’s irresponsible?”
“You’re the one who’s irresponsible,” I cut in.
Julia whirled in my direction. “Excuse me?”
“You’re irresponsible with the words you throw around. You know how much they hurt her. I think something in you enjoys it. It might not even be anything conscious. But you like paying her back for the worry she caused you. That isn’t love.”