Calder was stunned at first. My lips met his, and he didn’t move. I was about to pull away, cheeks already heating with mortification, when he leaned into the kiss.
His hand came up, sliding along the curves of my jaw and neck. His tongue slipped between my lips, teasing and toying.
My palm landed on his chest, bunching his t-shirt and pulling him closer. All I could think was that I needed more.
Calder lifted me so that I could straddle him, his movements desperate and hungry. A different kind of tremor swept through me as his hardness pressed against my core. I let out a little moan as I searched for more of that contact.
A cell phone rang out from somewhere. I was so lost in the haze that was Calder that I barely heard it. But Calder froze.
He moved so fast the world spun around me. I was off his lap and back on the other side of the couch as Calder paced.
He ran a hand through his hair, tugging on the strands. “Shit. That shouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry. I was just…in a bad headspace. Been drinking.”
All the heat had left me the moment Calder had thrown me off him, but it was coming back. It wasn’t from desire now. It was from anger. I pushed to my feet. “Bullshit.”
Calder stopped mid-stride and turned in my direction. “Excuse me?”
“Bullshit. You want me. Don’t blame what just happened on two sips of whiskey or anything else. It’s a slap in the face.”
“Hadley, I’m not trying to hurt you—”
“You’ve been hurting me for months! Disappearing right in front of me. Taking away my best friend. The man I’m in love with.”
Calder stiffened. “You don’t love me. It’s just a crush. You’re young—”
“Shut up! I might be twenty, but I know my own mind. I know that I’ve been slowly and steadily falling in love with you since you showed me I could touch the stars. I’ve fallen in love with you, watching you care for those two precious girls. I’ve fallen in love with your bravery every time you run into a fire instead of away. I’ve fallen in love with how you make me feel seen in a way I’ve never experienced before. So don’t tell me I don’t love you.”
Calder’s chest rose and fell, his breaths ragged. “I don’t love you back. I don’t have that in me.”
“You’ve loved me every time you raced down a mountain with me. You’ve loved me every time you held me when I was falling apart.”
His jaw clenched, teeth grinding together. “That’s friendship. You’re my best friend’s little sister. Of course, I care about you. But you’re making this into something it’s not.”
A slap in the face would’ve hurt less. “That’s what I am to you? Your best friend’s little sister? That’s all?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Calder’s eyes darkened. “I don’t look at you that way. You’re too young, immature. You’re proving it by what you’re pulling right now. Do you think I need you laying this on me when I’m trying to put my life back together? Do you think I would bring someone else who’s so reckless into my life in that way? Into my daughters’ lives? It’ll never happen.”
I staggered back a step. Immature. Reckless. They were words that so often fell from my mother’s mouth. Now, they were spilling from Calder’s.
The pain of that carved itself into my chest. But I didn’t let myself look away from Calder’s face. He must’ve seen the devastation his words wrought because he took a step towards me. “Hadley—”
I stepped back. “No. I’m glad to know what you really think of me. It’s helpful.”
“I didn’t—”
I blocked out whatever else he said, moving towards the door. Blood roared in my ears as I grabbed my bag and ran for my car. But I couldn’t stop the echoes of Calder’s disdain running rampant in my brain.
It took me a few moments as the memory slipped away to realize that I was crying. I made no sound, but tears tracked down my cheeks and fell off my chin. My hands shook as I wiped them away.
I reached for the glove compartment, pulling it open and grabbing some napkins I’d shoved in there. Why had I put myself in this position again? One where Calder had all the power in the world to hurt me. The shock of Calder wanting to be in my life a little more had stunned me into letting him in. And I was already paying the price.
I pulledinto an open parking spot in front of the pizza parlor. I didn’t have it in me to cook tonight. Too much of a hellishly long day. The fire, Calder and Jackie, and then going with Shiloh to look at a horse she was thinking of buying. All I wanted was hot, cheesy goodness, a steaming shower, and my bed.
Just as I was about to climb out of my SUV, my phone rang. I answered it without thinking. “Hello?”