The bedtime routine had lasted three times as long tonight, a sign of how unsettled Birdie and Sage still were. We’d all put on pajamas earlier and zoned out with a movie and brownies, but the pain was still there, waiting just below the surface.
I patted the bed next to me. “They’ll be okay. It’s going to take time, but they will be. Birdie and Sage are two of the most resilient kids I know.”
Calder eased down onto the bed, moving in close to me. “I know they are, but I hate that they’ve had to be.”
I brushed the hair away from his face and then began massaging his scalp. “I know you do.”
Calder’s eyes fell closed for a moment as I continued stroking. When they opened again there was so much in those dark depths—pain, sorrow, fatigue.
“Calder,” I whispered, leaning into his chest and wrapping my hands around his biceps.
He curled around me, holding me close. “I’m so sorry, Hads.”
“It isn’t yours to be sorry for.”
“She did this because of me. I don’t know if she thought having you out of the way would suddenly give her a clear shot at me or if she just completely lost it.”
“Probably a little of both, but it’s still not on you.”
His body shuddered. “You could’ve been killed.”
“But I wasn’t. I’m right here.” I tipped my head back so I could see Calder’s face. “You have me.”
“Do I?”
“Body and soul.” I stretched up, bringing my lips to his. I meant the kiss to be one of comfort but that spark lit, those embers that lived in my bones coming to life again the way they always did when Calder touched me.
His hand dipped below the hem of my tank top as his tongue tangled with mine. I could live forever in the warmth that spread through me at the glide of his fingers across my skin.
“We shouldn’t,” he whispered. “You’re hurting.”
My hand tightened in his hair. “I need to feel, Calder. To remind myself we’re still here.”
He searched my face, looking for what, I wasn’t sure. Then his head dipped, his mouth taking mine again. I could feel the restraint there. I wanted to break it, to feel that desperate need that always sprang to life when Calder and I were together.
I tried to light that fuse, to spur him on, but Calder wouldn’t be rushed. Not as he peeled me out of my tank and sleep shorts. Not as his fingers danced along my skin.
His lips trailed down my neck to the peaks of my breasts. “Don’t be in such a hurry.” His mouth closed around my nipple, and I nearly bowed off the bed.
“Let me take my time.” A single finger slipped inside me, then a second. He stroked. Teased and toyed.
My hand slipped into his pajama pants, finding him hard and ready. I did my own exploring, watching Calder’s face to see what got the best reaction.
“Hadley,” he groaned.
“If you get to play, so do I.”
His fingers inside me curled and twisted. I let out a whimper, and he grinned.
I nipped Calder’s bottom lip. “No more. I wantyou.”
His eyes bored into mine. “You have me.”
“Then show me.”
It was all he needed. Those flannel pants were gone in a flash, and he was settling between my legs. “You tell me the minute something hurts.”
I nodded, my legs encircling his hips. I lifted a hand to rest on his stubbled cheek. “I love you.”