“Can’t.”
“Helping out at the ranch?”
I picked up a pencil and rolled it between my fingers. “Dad and I are going up to Everly’s to assess her barn. It looks like it’s one gust of wind away from collapsing.”
Calder’s brows rose practically to his hairline. “You’re going to help out up there?”
I wasn’t setting foot near that damn shed. But I didn’t mind helping stabilize the barn, run some new fence line—whatever else she needed. “She wants to start an animal sanctuary, and I’m trying to make up for being a total asshole to her when I showed up at her place the first time.” Well, the first and the second times.
Calder snorted. “You never did handle surprises well.”
“Shut up.”
“Sounds like a good use for all that land. And it’s something the community could get behind.”
“More than a few animals in this county could use a good home.”
He took a sip of his coffee and then rested it on the arm of his chair. “You think she’ll give them that?”
“I do.” Everly had a stubborn determination that meant she wouldn’t back down from a challenge. But there was gentleness, too. The way she’d sunk to the ground to engulf Koda in a hug. “She was good with Koda.”
“Probably the only way she could’ve gotten you on her side—being good to that dog of yours.”
“Sides have nothing to do with it. I’m just trying to make things right after biting her head off.”
Calder’s expression sobered. “You gotta let this go, Hayes. The only person responsible for what happened is in jail. He’ll be there for a long time. It wasn’t Everly’s fault, and it sure as hell wasn
’t yours.”
My back molars ground together. “I know that.”
“You may know it in your head, but your heart sure as hell doesn’t. That guilt is going to eat you alive.”
It wouldn’t. Not if I didn’t let it catch me. It was why I stayed so busy. And why I went on such long runs. “Every time I see someone from that family, it’s a reminder of how I failed. Of all the ways my family is still broken. So, I get angry. Not because it’s any of their faults, but because when I see them, I have to remember.”
“If you’re going to be helping Everly, you’re gonna need to figure out a way to come to terms with this. It’s not fair for you to hold on to all this anger and make her deal with it.”
“I know, it’s not,” I growled. It made me feel like the lowest of the low that anger had been my reaction to seeing the woman who had saved my sister’s life when she was a girl. But there was more than anger in the mix now, too. There was also a healthy dose of admiration.
“Okay.”
“I’m working on it.”
Calder’s mouth twitched. “She flusters you. Is she pretty?”
“Pretty?” No, Everly was heart-stoppingly gorgeous. She had the kind of beauty that could bring a man to his knees. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop that train of thought.
“Yeah. Is she attractive?”
I spun the pencil between my fingers. “I guess you could say that.”
Calder barked out a laugh. “Oh, man, this is going to be so much fun to watch. Maybe the girls and I should ditch fishing and go up the mountain to watch the show.”
“Don’t make me deck you. You know I’ll do it.”
“I’m not scared of you. I know all your tells.”
My eyes narrowed at my lifelong friend. “I still have some tricks you’ve never seen.”