I nodded. “She’s probably thirsty.”
“And I’m sure you are, too.” The sheriff waved at Nick. “Get the horse some water.” Nick gave a lift of his chin, and the sheriff looked down at me. “Let’s get you something to drink and maybe a snack, too.”
He seated me in a room with two vending machines and a little kitchen. “Have a seat.”
The chair made an ugly sound as I pulled it back, and by the time I sat down, the room was getting a little fuzzy. I barely registered Sheriff Hearst placing an array of items in front of me. Water and a soda. Some crackers, and a candy bar.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had packaged food. Maybe when I was seven? About the time Dad pulled me and Ian out of school. He’d demanded that we live off the land as much as possible. Nothing store-bought. Those companies were trying to poison us.
But I remembered the chips Mom used to pack in my lunch, and they were my favorite. My hands trembled as I went for the crackers. But I could barely taste them.
Everything went in and out of focus as a female deputy came to sit with me. I watched from my spot at the table as officers assembled in the main room. They donned vests and guns. My stomach cramped, and I squeezed my eyes closed. I did the right thing. I said it over and over in my mind, just hoping I might believe it.
When I opened my eyes, the armed men and women were gone. I toyed with the crackers as the woman asked me questions. “Has your dad ever hurt you?”
I shook my head. He’d been strict, but his punishments were training. Teaching us to go without because we might not always have access to the comforts of home.
The woman shifted in her chair. “Has he ever touched you anywhere that made you feel uncomfortable?”
I blanched. “No. He’s not like that. He just…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence. “His mind plays tricks on him.”
It was the best way I could think to explain him. His brain told him lies. Like the one that decided a family was evil because they were going to a town fair, but their daughter could be saved because she hadn’t wanted to go. So, he’d stolen her away.
I tuned the deputy out and stared into the main room, letting my eyes go unfocused. That same side door opened, and a group of people filed in—a family. The mother was red-eyed and panicked, while the father tried to calm her and hold onto the girl in his arms, who couldn’t have been more than six or seven.
Two boys followed, looking around the room. The oldest was probably in high school. His fists clenched and flexed, and anger lit his eyes. But the younger wasn’t more than a few years older than me. Worry lined his face. He looked from the room back to his parents, taking his mother’s hand and squeezing it.
It had to be the little girl’s family. Shiloh Easton. I said the name in my mind, shaped it with my mouth. She would go home to this family who loved her.
I watched as the mom kissed the boy on his head. He didn’t dodge away like Ian did when my mom showed him affection. This boy let her love on him, seeming to understand that she needed it.
Our gazes locked from across the room. There were a million questions in his eyes. I wasn’t sure I had any of the answers he needed, but I couldn’t look away. I stared into those dark depths as if he held me hostage.
The bang of the door against the wall broke our trance. The entire Easton family was on their feet in a flash, surrounding Sheriff Hearst. He held Shiloh in his arms. I couldn’t hear what he said, but the mother wept, and I caught tears streaming down the father’s face, as well. The siblings hugged their sister tightly. But the boy with the haunting eyes kept looking back at me where I sat. All alone.
1
Everly
PRESENT
My hands tightened on the wheel as I guided my SUV onto Aspen Street. Everything looked remarkably the same. The slight Old West feel still clung to the buildings and antique lampposts. Many of the institution spots like The Cowboy Inn and Wolf Gap Bar & Grill were still here, just with a fresh coat of paint.
But while it looked as if there were some new restaurants and shops, as well, I knew hoping for a spot to order my favorite Thai dishes might be too much to ask. There was no question that coming back to eastern Oregon meant I’d be giving up some things.
My older sister, Jacey, thought I was crazy. Sure, that I’d step back into town limits and get sucked back into all the drama that surrounded our family. I understood her fear. Especially since she’d been more mother to me than a sister, taking custody of me after my father went to jail, and I’d begged my mom to let me leave this place.
All that determination to break free, and here I was, a decade and a half later, coming right back to where I started. My pulse picked up speed as I drove past Spruce Street and caught sight of the sheriff’s station. I knew Sheriff Hearst had to be far into retirement, but I wished I’d have at least one friendly face to count on.
It didn’t take long for me to pass through downtown. No more than twenty of those brave breaths I’d come to rely on. I’d need them now more than ever.
I thought about stopping at the hardware and grocery stores but knew I needed to get the lay of the land first. I’d called the water and power companies and had them check the lines to our old property, making sure things were still in working order. After a few repairs, they assured me that all was good on their end.
That meant the rest was up to me. The letter from my mother burned a hole in my pocket, but I hadn’t been able to simply keep it in my purse. It was as if the words inside could give me the final kick I needed to finish my task.
I hadn’t been crazy enough to think that Jacey would help. She had two children and a husband who had a solid job in Seattle. They’d given me more than I’d ever expected. A safe and stable home. One where I was free to go to school and didn’t have to fear being woken up in the middle of the night to practice for a raid. They’d made sure I knew that I was loved and cared for. But I wasn’t theirs.
As soon as Jacey became pregnant, I’d started to feel like an interloper. They were building their family, but they were still stuck caring for me. I’d tried to be helpful. Cooking and cleaning. Babysitting when they needed a break. But I always felt like a guest. Like I never truly fit. It was as if I didn’t quite belong anywhere. It was part of the reason I was back. To see if I could finally lay it all to rest and find my place in the world again.