I stiffened at that. If he told my dad where I was right now, I’d knee him in the nuts.
“Yeah. Listen, can I take her to blow off some steam for a bit? I’ll be with her the whole time.” Calder chuckled. “No, I think I’m a little old for high school parties. I’m just gonna take her for a drive.” Silence. “I’ll call if we’ll be later than ten-thirty.”
He hung up and then slid his phone into his pocket. “Let’s go.”
I scowled at him. “You know you were in high school three years ago. It’s not like you’re forty.”
“True enough. I’m still not taking you to that pipsqueak Toby’s party.”
“Fine,” I grumbled but pushed off the bale of hay.
Calder beeped the locks on his SUV. “Hop in.”
I climbed into the passenger seat and wa
ited as he started the engine. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
We were both quiet for a bit as he drove. The darkened fields and forests blurred until it almost looked like a painting.
“They love you. You know that, right? It’s where all of this comes from.”
“I know.” A fire lit along my sternum, a potent mixture of guilt and the desire for more. For a life. For freedom. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin. Like I’m drowning and burning up all at the same time. Just once, I want it to be okay for me to be whoever I want.”
His gaze flicked to me for a brief moment before returning to the road. “Sometimes, it’s worth it to stand your ground and fight for that.”
“Like being a firefighter?”
His mouth curved, but I saw a hint of pain behind his eyes. “My dad was never crazy about the idea, but I knew it would make me happy.” He paused, his hands tightening on the wheel. “You should fight for your happiness, Hads. Even if it ruffles feathers.”
I looked out the window as the mountain drew nearer. “I don’t think I’ve really had a chance to find out what makes me happy.”
Calder turned off the two-lane highway. “Let’s see if we can’t find you some of those things.”
I searched the stretch of road in front of us. “I thought this was closed for the Fourth.” It led to the top of the peak, where they set off the fireworks each year.
“Good thing I know the code to the lock.” He slowed the SUV to a stop and hopped out. Heading to the gate, he punched in a code on the lockbox and opened it. He hurried back to drive us through and then locked the gate behind us.
Silence reigned again as Calder guided his SUV up the winding, paved road until we reached the overlook. It was a beautiful spot, looking out over the valley below. The stars felt as if they were close enough to touch.
Calder shut off the engine and turned to face me. “You want to feel alive?”
“Yes.” I wanted it more than anything. No more of this half-life I was living. If almost losing Shiloh had taught me anything, it was that nothing was guaranteed. I wanted to live every moment to its fullest.
“Let’s go.”
We climbed out of the SUV, and Calder rounded to the back, raising the hatch. Two bikes and helmets were back there. I recognized one as belonging to Hayes.
“Are you guys going mountain biking?”
“Tomorrow. But I don’t think Hayes will mind if you borrow his tonight. I just need to lower the seat.” Calder had me stand next to the bike as he pulled out tools and made some adjustments. Then, he motioned for me to climb on. “How’s that feel?”
“Good, I think.”
“Okay.” He picked up a helmet and put it on me, adjusting the straps.
My breath hitched as the rough pads of his fingers grazed my skin. Every time he got close to me, my heart took up acrobatics in my chest. But this was more.