Loving Son, Husband, Father
“Hey, Little Bear.” I pause, unsure of myself and what to say in this moment. “Sorry it’s taken me this long to come to my senses. I’m such an asshole.” I pause as the fluttering of leaves in the trees sound like his whispers of agreement, “I miss you buddy.” I sigh, tamping down the emotion wanting free. “You’re on my mind every damn day. I could be having the worst fucking day then something stupid would take place and I automatically think of you and your antics. That smile of yours lit the way for positive days and mischievous nights. You were one smart cookie, Private.”
I parked my ass on the ground feeling a bit tipsy, but completely sober. Another rumble of thunder in the distance momentarily took me back to the day of his procession. Drawing my knees to my chest, I relax, the naturistic sounds lulling me into a meditative state.
“We should’ve switched places that day, I drive, you radio, or hell, we could’ve let the truck burn until Ford got a better hold on the enemy.” Here come the emotions flooding me. “We want you here; your daughter needs you; your wife craves you; your family mourns you; your brothers and sisters in arms honor you.”
I wipe a tear away and heave another sigh, the breeze picking up now and acting as a comforting embrace.
“Owen, Little Bear, I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t keep my promise to you. I didn’t protect you. Now here we are, you’re gone, and I have dishonored you still.”
There is no stopping the collapse of my mental state, it’s crumbling, breaking down, “I’ve let so many people down, have dwelled in my own misery for three years, contemplated ending this life, more than once, and in multiple scenarios, the demons screamed so loud, Owen, I couldn’t hear you, had no way to view your smile through the darkness.”
Then a flicker of my new life, my reason for wanting to live shines in my mind. Clear as day. Calm settles in.
“Even though I couldn’t sense you, I feel like you were the one to put Lili in my path that day; you knew I was close to breaking, to grabbing my gun, to falling off the ledge, or crashing my truck, anything to staunch the ache possessing me. I wanted to put an end to the pain, the dread, and the pitying looks from all around me, make it come to an end.”
My head lifts from between my knees and I look to the darkened sky above, a smile exploding from me at the thought of my siren, of Lili.
“Thank you, Owen. Thank you for sending her to me. My days and nights are brighter because of Lili. I am a better person because of her and don’t know what I’d do without her in my life.” I pause as another rumble sounds, closer now, “guide me Owen, and I promise I will make you proud. *Whisper* I promise.”
A few seconds went by, and the clouds parted, a flood of sunshine casting itself in the area I currently reside.
An answer.
We met at the small mom and pop pizza shop and ordered enough to feed fifteen starving Marines. Mind you, that is a lot of food. We sat outside at the picnic tables, enjoying the modest air now that the storm clouds passed over. Lili kept quiet as she wrapped herself around me, smiling, and sensing my shift. The weight and dread constantly plaguing me is for the most part gone. I can take that well needed breath of fresh air.
Hank stayed well behaved and didn’t beg as he stuck to Ellie’s side. He wasn’t fooling anyone; Hank isn’t a dummy, he knows she would share her pizza, which she did.
The day was filled with laughs and nitpickings, but there were also tears that fell. The only thing that would’ve made this day outstanding would’ve been to have Owen here. Although, he is very much here. He left an everlasting imprint on this world, his daughter.
Ford, Shark, Brett, and I, Owen’s brothers, we will do anything in our power to see his little girl grow up with love and guidance, not to mention the interrogations when she starts dating. At least we have some time before that happens. Something tells me Ford will be the scariest of us all, just you wait and see.
One thing is clear: Ellie needs stability.
I thought I was doing that by supporting her and her mother with anything pertaining to finances and car repairs, but it takes more than that. Communication, being face to face, giving a comforting embrace, playing Barbies with her, and learning how to braid hair. I’m not quite sure about that last one.
I need to start being the type of Uncle Owen wanted me to be.
I’ve let him down, I see that now, and I’m so sorry brother. I will do better by you from here on out.
Like Ford could feel my mind churning across the picnic table, he starts humming and clapping a similar beat, one I haven’t heard in a long while, Shark quickly figuring it out, too and joining in.
*Elation*This song, Owen’s favorite song he’d sing to the infantry every damn day.My Girlby the Temptations.
And so, we sang for him.
Cheers, Owen.
_CHAPTER 14 – LILI_
“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.”–Confucius
All night I glanced him watching me. Our unspoken words crackled between us like lightning. I’d give him a wink; he’d flash me his dimple in a smirk. We knew what we both wanted but could not have until we were back at my flat. This went on all night; he stood by my side the whole time, his hand could be found at my back or often enough in my own, our fingers entangled like a lifeline.
No place better than right here with him, surrounded by friends, family, and the people who here to support a cause near and dear to my soul.
I rose from my chair, the movement catching the attention of everyone in the room as they quiet, and I made my way to the podium. I placed my palms on the wood, habitually bit my lip in concentration, then closed my eyes, took in a deep breath, and opened them to find Alexander.