“Caleb and I fought at the bar tonight.” I pause, not wanting to relive the whole evening right now. The pain and embarrassment feels too raw. She continues watching me curiously, so I recount the events of the night. When I tell her about jumping the curb and blowing up my tire, she cringes.
“Show me!” She jumps off my bed and pulls me to follow her. I am curious to see the damage and worry about how I am going to explain this to my dad. We inspect my car and notice the damage is contained to the front end on the passenger side. I’ll need a tow truck to come and pick it up, because there is no way for me to move it.
17
The next morning,the only thought loud enough for me to hear over the chaotic mess of emotions swirling in my head is how stupid I was to drive in that condition. All I did, again, was react to my emotions.
The phone call to my dad was not as bad or as hard as I expected it to be. Luckily, he believed my explanation that another car veered into my lane while I was driving home last night. I swerved to avoid them and jumped a curb. My parents were upset I didn’t call the police to report the accident and questioned me about it. I explained it was late and I was shaken up because I was by myself, so they let it go.
I finally decide to emerge from my room, knowing I need to face the day. When I open my door, I’m surprised to see Lena sitting on the couch reading on her Kindle.
"How long have you been up?" I ask.
"For…uh…about ten chapters." She gives me a sad, small smile. "Wanna talk about it yet?"
I make my way to the coffee pot, glad to see she’s already brewed a pot.
“I’m sorry,” is the first thing that tumbles out of my mouth. “I never thought I would be that girl.” I pour myself a cup. Lena follows me and sits at our table with a perplexed look, so I add, “You know, the girl who surrounds herself with nonstop drama. I need to get myself together. I’m sorry.”
“No sorrys are necessary. We all end up being that girl at one point. It’s what guys do to us. They make us stupid. Speaking of boys…what do I tell Ethan? He’s called a couple of times and texted.”
“I’ll call him. I just need him to know he doesn’t have to worry about me. He let me go…”
“But he didn’t.” Lena interrupts.
I shake my head, raising my index finger at her to let me continue. “He chose to take himself out of the equation. Whether that means he let me go, was being noble, changed his mind, whatever, he made that decision, and I gotta live with it. I can’t keep going back and crying on his shoulder. Did I want him to? No. But he did, and I can’t change that. Did I figure out too late I wanted him? Yes. But I can’t change that either. I have been acting impulsively and reacting to everything around me instead of taking the time to really stop and digest my decisions.”
Everything that has happened has made me reconsider my actions these past few months. I was proud of myself and my ability to make sound choices, not allowing my emotions to dictate me. But the romantic, intense emotions somehow shut rational thought from my brain. I thought I was overthinking the two relationships, but really, I’ve been reacting. The feelings for each are completely different, but just as intense. Is this healthy? I’m not sure.
“So, then, what now?” Lena asks, bringing me back to our conversation.
I sit down, shrugging as my lips turn down, “I straighten out the mess I’ve made so far. I call Ethan and apologize for not being smarter, stronger—I don’t know, for being selfish. It’s a good thing he stepped away. I’m nothing but trouble at this point. I’ll try and make it up to Caleb. I’m the one that cheated and hid it. I get all pissy and drunk and fall into Ethan’s arms before I even knew Caleb’s side of the story. That was pathetic. I hurt both guys because I could only think of myself and my insecurities.”
“You’re too hard on yourself. Caleb hasn’t been a saint in all this. Since I met you, y’all have had issues. And Ethan is a big boy. You didn’t pursue him, he pursued you. He knew you had a boyfriend, even though you were off flirting with that other guy.” She smirks at me as I let my head fall on the table, conveniently forgetting I was also hitting on Houston. Shit! She continues, “If I remember correctly, Ethan picked you up and dragged you away. That’s on him.”
“Sure, he did, but I could’ve stopped it before it started. And I didn’t. I let myself fall.”
Her face softens as she nods her head slightly, knowing I need to make these decisions. “Then make your call so I can stop ignoring my phone. What are we doing about your car?”
“The tow truck should be here soon. After, can you take me to get my rental?”
“Of course. Tell me when you’re ready.” I give her an appreciative smile and nod before I get up and give her a huge hug.
* * *
Ethan answersthe phone on the first ring. “Are you okay? What happened last night?”
I take a deep breath before telling him an abbreviated version. I fluff as much as I can, knowing he heard some things through Mike and Jake. I don’t want to purposely lie to him, but I don’t want him to worry unnecessarily about me either. It’s not his job; it never was.
“And when he came back into the bar without you?” he asks after I gloss over our fight outside the bar.
“I came home. That’s it.” I try to sound casual.
“Sorry, baby girl, but I call bullshit. The guys said he was in a rage. When they went up to him to question him about you, he lost his shit on them. So if he lost his shit on them, I can only imagine what he said or did to you outside where no one was watching. And Mike said you were pretty tipsy when y’all were talking. Said you had just taken a shot.” His anger toward Caleb mixed with his worry for me is ripping my heart in two.
“You don’t have to worry about me. Really. I can handle it. But thank the guys for watching out for me. It was sweet. But I do have to tell you because you will probably hear it from someone else anyway…” I take a deep breath. “I kind of…uh…messed up my car.”
“What are you talking about?”