My teeth barely part enough for me to say, “I’m aware of that,” but one of my sister’s cognitive challenges is interpreting body language, so she ignores that and continues.
“There is no place in your life for a baby, Casey. I realize you’re comfortable here, and you’ve settled into a long-term relationship with Eric, but this is not a situation for motherhood.”
“I found a baby with a dead mother. Buried under the snow. Alone and in distress. I brought her back to Rockton so she doesn’t die, not to fill a hole in my life.”
“There is no hole in your life. You have Eric, and you have Storm, and you have Rockton and your job. You are happier and more satisfied than I have ever known you to be.”
I answer slowly, keeping my tone even. “I appreciate the fact that you recognize I’m happy, April. And there isn’t a baby-size hole in my life. I just happened to find a child, whom I intend to return to her family. Just because I’m a woman in a happy romantic relationship doesn’t mean my ovaries go into hyperdrive seeing a baby.”
“Good.”
I push open the back door of the clinic with a little more force than necessary. I tell myself that April isn’t being patronizing. I’ve spent my life dealing with this from her, and I’m trying to understand that she doesn’t mean it the way it sounds.
Yet it’s also a constant reminder that my sister put me into my box when we were young, and nothing I’ve done since then has—or possibly ever will—let me escape it. I’m reckless. I’m impulsive. I’m thoughtless, rushing headlong into every bad decision life offers. My sole consolation is that anyone who knows me would laugh at all those descriptors.
Inside, Dalton and Anders have the baby on the examining table. As soon as I see that, I barrel into the room and snatch her up.
“You can’t leave her on that,” I say. “What if she rolls off?”
“She can’t even lift her head, Casey,” Anders says.
“Which doesn’t mean she can’t wriggle. Or slide.”
He snickers. “Slide off a flat surface?”
“You are both correct,” April says. “It is almost certainly safe, given the child’s lack of mobility, but a slippery metal table still doesn’t seem like the safest place to set a baby.” She aims a look at Anders.
“Hey, I’m not the one who put her there,” Anders says. “And Eric literally just unwrapped her as you two came in.”
April nods at Dalton, as if to say that if he did it, then it’s fine. The first time they met, she referred to him as my fuck toy, and I’m not sure what was more shocking, the word coming from my very proper sister or the sentiment coming from my very straitlaced sister. In the last six months, she’s done a complete about-face, and now, if Dalton does something, then it’s the right thing to do. I’m totally on board with her not treating my lover like trash, but I can’t help wishing I could get a little of that approval thrown my way.
“Eric?” she says. “It’s a bit chilly in here for the baby. Could you…?” She looks over to see he’s already starting the fire, and she nods, pleased that her trust is so well placed. Anders and I exchange a look.
I hold the baby until the fire’s blazing and the chill is leaving the room. Then I lay her on the exam table.
“Would you take over?” I ask Dalton. “I need to find something for her to eat.”
“Yes,” April says, not looking up from her examination of the baby. “We’ll need formula and bottles. Also diapers, for the inevitable after-products of feeding. Tell the general store to put together a box of all their infant supplies.”
Anders, Dalton, and I all look at one another.
“Uh,” I say. “We don’t carry infant supplies. We don’t … have any infants.”
“In case you haven’t noticed that in the past six months,” Anders murmurs.
April shoots us both a glare of annoyance. “Yes, I have noticed there are currently no babies, but I’m sure there are supplies in storage for them.”
“There aren’t,” I say. “We don’t ever have babies here. Or children. Or even teenagers.”
She glances at Dalton.
“Yeah,” he says. “I was special. But Casey’s right. We don’t allow anyone under eighteen, and there’s a reason why we have a shitload of condoms and diaphragms and every other method of contraception. We’re not equipped to handle childbirth or children.”
April flutters a hand at me. “Just get … whatever.”
* * *
As I hurry through town, I’m trying to figure out what I can get. Milk is the obvious choice. We have it in powdered form, and I know that’s less than ideal, but it’s that or nothing.