“Ahhh!” I growl as my fist connects with the wall again, creating another hole. I want to go back and kill him again just to make it more painful. I should’ve chopped his limbs up piece by piece and forced him to eat them, to savor every single moment of pain.
“Hey, man,” Donovan says, patting my back. “You can’t question the kill. Do your job and move on. Otherwise, that shit will make you crazy.”
“He deserved worse.”
“It’s coming to him. The devil will finish the job.”
“Mr. Cliffton,” a doctor says as she scans the room. She removes her surgical mask as she takes us both in. “You can see Mrs. Lind now if you like. She’s unconscious, but she can likely hear what you say.”
“It’s Mrs. Shaw. She didn’t like to use her married name,” I tell the doctor. Not that it matters, but I don’t want the terrible memory of Eddie to taint her life more than it already has.
Chapter 25
Heath
I thank the doctor profusely for her team’s swift action, and she nods her head, waving my compliments away.
“Mrs. Lind… I’m sorry, Mrs. Shaw is going to have a long road to recovery, but I feel comfortable saying that she’s going to be okay.”
I brace myself on the wall to keep from crashing to the floor as my equilibrium seems to correct itself at the news, and my world comes into focus again. With my hand on my heart, I try to express my gratitude to the surgeon, but all that comes out is a garbled cry and my chest heaves with the sob I’ve been holding in for hours. I cannot remember the last time I cried. Perhaps at my mother’s funeral.
What do I say to the doctor to explain my emotion? She’s my adopted sister? My lover? My entire fucking universe? The reason I trudge on through the adversities hurled in my path, destroying and conquering, all of it’s for Kat. Everything I do in this life, I do with my woman in mind. She’s my motivation and the only reason I can sleep at night.
“You said I can see her?” is all I can manage.
“Of course. Follow me. She’s going to tire easily for a while, so keep it short and sweet if you can. She asked for you when they woke her in recovery.”
I tune out everything else beside the path in front of me, following the footsteps of the doctor down the hall, into the elevator, and down another long corridor until she finally turns into a room in the Intensive Care Unit.
“They’ll move her to general tomorrow, but she’ll spend the night here and stay on the monitors so we can keep track of her vitals as she wakes up from surgery.”
I nod and don’t even register the doctor leaving.
She’s hooked up and plugged in, as is to be expected, but it doesn’t pad the freefall my heart dives into upon seeing her like this. Prone and vulnerable, her chest rising almost imperceptibly with oxygen assistance.
“Kat,” I rasp as I fall to my knees at her bedside. When I clamp her hand in mine, I take comfort in the fact that it’s warm. Life moves through her, and that’s all that matters to me. Not money, not clout, not space or time, just the even, steady breathing, the rhythmic beating of her beautiful heart. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for everything.”
She squeezes my hand almost imperceptibly, but I’m almost positive it’s not just my imagination. I rise and pull her into my arms the best I can without disturbing the monitors. I hear her vitals rise by the beeping of the machines, so I release her gently back onto the bed, still keeping my arms wrapped around her.
“I love you, Kat. I’ve loved you with every breath, and I wish we could have done everything differently. I would never have left had I known the horrors that awaited you.” Tears stream down my face unabated, but I’m not ashamed of being overcome by emotion. “I’ll never let you down again, never leave your side. You mean the world to me, and from here on out, it’s you and me forever, for all eternity, if you’ll have me, Katelyn Shaw.”
I’m on my knees again, begging the woman I love for forgiveness.
“Heath, it’s not your fault.” Her voice comes out in a broken whisper, but it’s my Kat and she’s conscious. She’s here, and she’s responding to me.
She clasps both of my hands. I lower my head to her soft belly and melt into the flesh of her abdomen, crying like I did to my mother when I was a small boy.
“I pushed you to leave all those years ago to protect you,” she strains.
“I know, I know, but it’s my job to protect you, Kat.”