Instead, I saw a text from the last person I’d expected to hear from.
Heath: Happy Pumpkin Hot Chocolate Day :)
I stared at the words, waiting for them to disappear like I’d accidentally conjured them. They didn’t.
My stomach twisted.
Of all the days he could’ve texted out of the blue, it had to be today, right after I moved into Dante’s house.
The universe possessed a sick sense of humor.
There were a million things I wanted to say, but I stuck with something safe and neutral.
Me: Do they have those in California?
Heath: Pumpkin hot chocolate? Nah
Heath: You’re only allowed to drink smoothies and green juices here or you’ll get voted off the island
My small smile faded as quickly as it appeared.
We shouldn’t be talking, but I couldn’t bring myself to block him.
Heath: I’ve been emailing Bonnie Sue’s every day asking them to open shop in SF, but no dice so far
A pang hit me at the mention of Bonnie Sue’s.
It was a popular cafe near Columbia, where Heath and I had attended undergrad. It was famous for its seasonal pumpkin hot chocolate, and even though I didn’t like pumpkin and he didn’t like hot chocolate, we’d showed up every year for its annual return in mid-September.
Forget the fall equinox; the real first day of fall was the day the drink reappeared on Bonnie Sue’s menu.
Me: It’ll happen. Persistence always wins
Guilt ballooned in my chest as Heath and I exchanged more small talk. He asked about my job and the city; I asked about his dog and the weather in San Francisco.
It was our longest conversation in years. Normally, we only texted each other on holidays and birthdays, and we never talked on the phone. It was easier to pretend we were casual acquaintances that way even though we were anything but.
Heath Arnett.
My college best friend. My ex-boyfriend. And my first love.
Once upon a time, I thought we’d get married. I’d convinced myself we would overcome my parents’ objections and live happily ever after, but our breakup two years ago proved my hopes had been just that—hopes. Flimsy and insubstantial in the face of my parents’ wrath.
I shook off memories ofthatday and tried to refocus.
Me: How’s your company doing?
After our breakup, Heath moved to California and expanded his language-learning app into the powerhouse it was today. The last time I checked, it was one of the top fifteen most downloaded apps in the U.S.
Heath: Pretty amazing. We’re going public at the end of this year
Heath: We’re expecting a big IPO. Perhaps…
The three dots that indicated he was typing popped up, disappeared, then popped up again.
Heath: We can revisit things after it does
My guilt hardened into dread.