He starts to walk further down the aisle, towards the back of the plane, and I feel that pit in my stomach again at his dismissiveness. “Wait!” The word comes out impulsively, almost breathlessly, and the blank look on Niall’s face as he turns to face me only makes the hollow feeling in my stomach grow.
“What?” he asks simply, and I feel that heat behind my eyelids again, tears that I have to fight back.
“I—what are you going to do?” It sounds childish, almost needy, even to my own ears, and I wish I could take it back. We’re going to be on a plane for a few hours—a luxurious private plane, no less. I don’t need him to cater to me, and I don’t want him to think I do. But at the same time, I’m acutely aware that the clock is rapidly counting down to the time when we won’t even be in proximity to each other. Once in Boston, we won’t even be living in the same space. Our time of sharing hotel rooms is over, even the time of us sleeping under the same roof. These last few hours are all I have, at least until he decides to come and see me. Even then, it won’t be the same.
“I’m going to go lay down in one of the bedrooms,” he says simply. “I have a headache, and I didn’t sleep well last night. But I’m sure you can find something to keep yourself occupied.”
“I didn’t sleep well either.” The words sound flat and foolish, but I find myself hoping that he didn’t sleep well for the same reason that I didn’t—because it was hard being away from me after so many nights sharing not just a roof, but a bed.
“There’s two bedrooms.” Niall glances at me, his gaze carefully blank. “You’re free to use one, of course, if you want to take a nap as well.”
My heart sinks as he walks away, and I slowly sit down, picking up the cashmere throw in the seat and clutching it in my hands. My chest aches, tears burning in my eyes as he disappears into one of the rooms, but deep down I know it’s nothing more or less than I should have expected. Out of the two of us, Niall is the one who’s never lied, not really. He didn’t tell me why he was in Mexico—he’d said he was on vacation, but that’s the closest he’s come to a lie. And after all,I’m here to make a deal with a cartel bossis hardly something he’d say to a civilian girl he was looking to just pass a night with.
And in the end—that’s all I was to him, and all he was ever supposed to be to me. Someone to pass a night with, to enjoy a fling. I’d wanted to lose my virginity to someoneIchose, not the man my father picked for me. I’d succeeded at that, but it had all spiraled into so much more.
I touch the gold band on my finger, spinning it around as I tell myself not to be hurt, not to cry, even as the thought of taking my wedding ring off makes me want to burst into tears.Our marriage was never real,I remind myself.It was just to protect me, until we got out of Mexico.That’s done now, accomplished. There’s nothing keeping us together except our baby, and we don’t have to be married for Niall to be a father. At least not here, not outside the sheltered confines of my old life.
The only reason to stay married would be for love—and Niall has made it abundantly clear that he’s not in love with me.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, I repeat savagely over and over to myself as the pretty flight attendant appears, asking me what I’d like to eat or drink. I ask her for some ginger ale to settle my stomach and some cheese and crackers, and what appears a moment later is sparkling ginger ale in a crystal flute, as well as a charcuterie board.
“Is there anything else?” The attendant smiles sweetly at me, and I shake my head quickly.
“No, this is—this is more than fine. Thank you!”
My stomach is too upset and my nerves too shot to eat much, but I pick at the fancy crackers and the harder cheeses, trying to avoid anything that I’ve ever heard you shouldn’t eat while pregnant. All the while I try to fight the urge to go down to the room at the back of the plane and check on Niall. I know better—he said he was going to sleep, and it’s barely been ten minutes since he left. He’s not going to appreciate an interruption, but I feel fidgety and anxious, wanting to see him. To grasp any last bit of time I might get with him before there’s far too much space between us for me to get across.
Surely he’d understand me wanting to talk. We haven’t really spoken since we got off the plane.We hadn’t spoken muchonthe plane, either. After the heated, passionate sex on the cargo plane’s floor, the thought of whichstillmakes me blush, I’d fallen asleep sitting next to Niall with my head on his shoulder. He’d woken me just as the plane touched down, we’d disembarked and met Viktor and his associates—and gone straight to the house. I could count the words that had passed between Niall and I since then on my ten fingers and have some left over.
I hadn’t had a chance to really ask questions about Boston, or where I’d be living when we get there, or how often Niall plans to see me. If he’ll help me find a doctor, come to appointments with me, if we’ll go shopping for the baby together. We haven’t talked much about the baby, either, not since our wedding night. With every one of those thoughts, the knot of anxiety in my stomach winds tighter, the feeling that I’m running out of time growing more and more immediate.
That, in the end, is what propels me out of my seat and down towards the bedroom that Niall disappeared into.
Gently, I push open the door, not wanting to wake him—and then freeze in place as I catch sight of him on the bed and realize that he isn’t sleeping.
He’s lying back on the pillows stacked on the bed, his hair messy and jaw clenched, eyes closed with his fist around his cock. He’s still fully clothed, only his jeans open as if he couldn’t wait to get undressed, thick and erect.
I know I should leave before he catches sight of me, but the sight of him, hips thrusting up into his fist as he strokes himself sends a flood of desire through me, rooting me to the spot. I want him so badly, the ache for him returning in an instant, and I do the exact opposite of what I know I should.
Slowly, I step into the room, closing the door behind me. He doesn’t hear me at first, not until I walk closer, and his eyes fly open. He freezes for a second, hand still on his throbbing cock, his piercing blue eyes meeting mine.
“What are you doing, Isabella?” His voice is low and dangerous, rumbling over my name, and it sends a shivery feeling of desire down my spine.
“I wanted to talk to you.” The words come out soft, a whisper. “But it looks like you’re busy.” My eyes flick to his cock, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. I want to touch him, taste him, feel him inside of me again. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything, desperately, just one more time.
It’s what we always say, after all.One more time.
“Do you want help?” I ask softly, throatily, hoping he hears the need in my voice. My need not just for pleasure, but forhim. If it isn’t him, then it doesn’t matter.
Niall’s hand flexes, his entire body stiff. He lets go of his cock, grabbing reflexively for a blanket to cover himself, pushing himself further up the pillows. “You should leave,” he says sharply, his cheekbones slightly reddened, with embarrassment or anger, I’m not sure. “We don’t need to do this anymore, Isabella. We talked about this.”
It’s a clear message to leave. I know that. But I can’t make my feet move. My heart is in my throat, every inch of me tingling with desire, and I don’t want to go.One more time!My heart, my mind, all of me begs, and I look at him, moving closer to the bed.
“I know we don’t need to,” I whisper. “But what if I want to?”
Niall doesn’t move as I climb onto the bed, the silk dress tangling around my knees. I touch his legs lightly, my hands on either side of him, and I go to pull the blanket away. “You want to,” I say softly, the blanket sliding away, almost enough for me to see his cock. “Let me help.”
Niall’s hands fist in the blanket, yanking it back, keeping himself covered. I see the muscle in his taut jaw jump as he looks at me, his blue eyes darkening as he narrows them at me. “Of course I fucking want to,” he growls, in a voice so full of anger that it almost makes me flinch back—and sends a thrill through me at the same time. “I had to bloody leave the room just from being so close to you.”