“I’m not telling you this shit because I’m into you, because I want you so fucking much, I can’t sleep from the ache of it. That shit doesn’t matter, but it does explain. I’m the one who fucked things up. Tobias knew what he’d done last time with Chloe was an epic fuck-up, that he’d damn near broken us as a pack, so he was cautious, wanting to proceed slowly and by the book. He wanted to turn your job into an independent contractor position so you weren’t compromised by a boss-employee relationship, then work with you first, let everyone get to know you and proceed slowly. We’d reveal who you were to us after some time, and we’d respect any decision you decided to make, but most of all…”
I could hear the sound of his heart somehow, see it jumping in the hollow of his throat, getting faster and faster.
“He’d put our pack, our history on the table, so you knew what the fuck you were getting yourself into with us. Not have the truth saunter in the door like she fucking owned the place, then shove her twisted version of events into your face.”
His chest heaved, each breath seeming to take so much effort, while claws formed at the ends of his fingers, fur prickling across his skin.
“But I couldn’t wait. Mine—that’s what you were, and I fucking knew it. I had to have you the moment I saw you. The feel of my hand around your wrist as I dragged you into my office was like heaven, even as you tried to pull away. I wanted you, needed you, and I didn’t care who or what I hurt to get to you.”
That was when he blinked, his fangs long and vicious now, no longer human.
“Only I didn’t understand that it was going to be you who would bear the brunt of that.”
His exhale was long and shuddering, and then I was treated to the sight of him taking fur, the process seeming so much faster than mine was. One minute, there was a man, and the next, there was a wolf there, fighting his way free of the clothes. He shook himself, just standing there on the couch, all the trappings of his humanity there by his feet, before he launched himself off the couch and trotted away from me.
Only my wolf wasn’t having that. We jumped down, following on his heels, even as he pressed his nose into the gap of a darkened bedroom, one different to the nest, the open suitcase and discarded clothes making it smell of him. Wolf Lucien stared back at me, as if unable to believe I was there, but an animal accepted fast what a man struggled to, so he leapt up onto the bed.
When he curled up into a ball? I curled up beside him, my flank resting against his. I felt the weight of his muzzle on my side not long afterwards, his sigh ruffling my fur before I let out my own.
It felt like we were losing something when we did so, but it was a thing best discarded. It got in the way of what we shared right now, a strangely fragile kind of peace, and that was when I understood what the wolf was doing.
She was protecting me from anxiety, from the fear and recriminations, from the arguments and shouted words, from the waves of anger and fear. They would come at some point, no doubt, but right now, she collected all of the available evidence for me, so that when I took skin again, I’d be able to make sense of it all.
Feeling the sense of purpose, along with the weight of Lucien Wolf’s head, I closed my eyes and dozed again.
46
“Iguess I’m next.”
When I woke up, the sun had died in the sky and the room was shrouded in a comfortable gloom. I blinked, my wolf eyes keener than mine, as I saw Beau looming there. Lucien wolf growled at the sight of his brother, but Beau didn’t pay that any mind. He threw himself down beside me, forcing Lucien to scramble back or be squished. The wolf got to his feet, thrusting his nose into the fur behind my ear, then giving it a few snuffles before finally jumping off the bed and stalking away.
“I brought a brush.” Beau held it up for us to inspect. We gave it a cursory sniff, but there was a curiosity there, I could feel it. “When I take fur, I like to be brushed. I like my hair brushed when I’m in skin too.” He looked at me hopefully, but when he was met by a wolfish stare, he shrugged and then set the brush to my skin. The bristles felt like they swiped across it, separating every strand of fur and drawing out the dead hairs, leaving the rest to lie looser. My head dropped down to my paws, and I let out a doggy sigh. “That’s it. That’s what I wanted to see. Just relax, Sage, as much as you can.”
Brush, brush, brush… His strokes lulled me into this strange headspace, where time and space seemed to just stand still, but out of that emptiness, came his story.
“I like people to be happy.” He snorted, the pass of the brush stalling, and I looked up in response, watching him shoot me a rueful smile before going back to brushing. “That sounds so fucking infantile when I say it out loud, and maybe it is.” The brush paused then, mid stroke. “When I met Chloe, I was holding a massive party for all of our friends…”
I let out a low growl at the sound of her name. It wasn’t her that I was angry at so much, though I couldn’t guarantee that my wolf wouldn’t rip out her throat if she sauntered in here. Beau noted my aggression with a slow nod, but he forged on, and by the look on his face, he knew I wouldn’t like what he had to say.
“The music was thumping, everyone was dancing and drinking, doing a cheeky line of coke or making out. The afternoon sun was out, and everything just seemed golden. Then I saw her. She was beautiful, but so were many other girls. The sun was in her hair, creating this halo…”
We got to our feet then, not wanting or needing to hear this, but he moved with me.
“Please, Sage. I know this is hurting. It’s hurting me too, but I just need to get this out. If you want to leave this room, this apartment, afterwards, I’ll hold the door open for you. You’ll be able to run home, to your home, away from our whole pack, but please…”
The others had brought me explanations, but theirs didn’t set my fangs on edge, not like his did.
“It wasn’t the way she looked that drew me closer. There were betas at the party prettier and fitter than her. It was something else. At the time, I’d assumed I knew what this was, the way I was drawn to her. This had to be the moment when I found my true mate. As I moved closer, her scent filled my nose, setting my wolf on edge, both of us completely attuned to her. She just smiled as I stared like a creeper, then stepped into me and threw her arms around my shoulders.”
The complete opposite to me.
“She pulled me close, and it felt like I was fucking drowning in her scent. I’d never smelled anything like it, because we didn’t go home from school on the holidays and meet with the town omegas when we were old enough. I assumed what was a simple biological reaction meant something.”
My weight shifted as he spoke, my paws digging farther into the carpet. I was readying myself to move, to take off down the hall, the minute this story was finished. There would be no sleepy afternoon spent in each other’s company, not for Beau.
He seemed to know that. It took me longer in this form, but I saw the lines of pain in his face, ones that deepened as he pressed on.
“When I brought her home, the guys seemed to confirm that. They were just as drawn to her scent as I was, wanting to get closer and closer, and it seemed to confirm what I suspected, that she was ours, our omega. It was an opportunity to do things right, unlike the arrangement our dads had set up. We would put her at the centre of us, and it would make us stronger as a pack.”