I’d spoke further to Riley about that, her ragged sigh giving me some sort of clue as to what was coming.
“Imagine your body is on fire,” she’d replied simply, when I asked what it felt like. “All you want is the men responsible for that to fan the flames higher. It’s mindless and can be exhilarating, surrendering to need like that, or it can be completely alienating.”
She’d stared at me from across the café table with a coffee cup in hand.
“It’s all down to whom you do it with. Are they your true mates, the other parts of your soul coming together to blow your fucking mind? Or are they semi strangers you’ve been pushed towards by tradition, circumstances, or biological impulses you don’t quite understand? Be clear about that, and if it hits you before you are, contact me, day or night. We could administer some sedatives and…”
“I’m going to want you,” I said, and Tobias nodded. “All of you. All day and all night for days. I’m going to be screaming for you to take me over and over.” More nods, those eyes watching me respond. “I’m going to do anything to satisfy that need.”
Which had my attention focussing back on those drawers.
“I’ll want everything and anything.”
“No, not like that,” he corrected. “You don’t become a mindless animal. Your inhibitions will be down. You’ll consider doing things you wouldn’t normally want to try in an effort to satisfy the fire inside you, but…” He turned me around to face him, those hands on my shoulders feeling like they were helping to hold me down, stop me floating away in a spiral of growing anxiety. “But you’ll still be Sage, and I’ll still be Tobias.”
And what was that? Who was he really? He was always so contained, keeping his cards close to his chest. What would happen when all of my walls were torn down? Who would come striding in to take care of me?
I asked him these questions mutely, and he smiled slightly at that, caressing my face.
“You’re not ready—”
“It’s not that.” I had to force those words out, but once they came, they couldn’t seem to stop. “I need you to show me.” A slight frown at that. “I want to see. You want to take control of me, to do things to me. I need to know how that will look before my heat hits.”
“I want to do things with you,” he corrected, stepping closer. “With your permission, with your consent, for your pleasure and satisfaction. I understand your need for control, Sage. No one in this house does more than me, but I also need to destroy that.”
My eyes jerked up, staring into his.
“That’s when you’ll feel it hit you the hardest, my love. It’s only then you’ll stop thinking and just feel…me.”
Dammit, it felt like a war was raging inside me between my usual on top of everything self and her.
Omega.
Mate.
Wolf.
She knew. She just fucking knew in that bone deep way animals do, that everything would be perfect when it happened, but me? I was left spluttering and floundering, looking around at everything that surrounded me, struggling to catch up.
And Tobias saw that.
“Don’t look through every drawer. Find me five things at minimum, then at a max, that you’re curious about. We’ll talk about them. We might use them or we might not. If we do, we’ll talk further before we do. Sound good?”
I nodded slowly, my eyes drawn back to the cupboards and drawers, then my body. I began moving through the closest ones, scanning the contents but not selecting anything until Tobias set a velvet lined box in front of me. It was empty, had no inserts where anything could be fitted. It just waited for me to fill it. I nodded and sucked in a breath before picking up one item and putting it in.
I chose the tong-like couple vibe he’d explained first, because damn, that sounded interesting. It might be shit, but if it wasn’t…? Tobias stepped backwards, watching, waiting, and that distance helped. I could pretend like I was back at the sex shop then, that time Nikki had dragged me there, insisting I need a battery operated boyfriend if I wasn’t going to get a flesh and blood one. Just like then, I picked up things and placed them in the box, half out of curiosity as anything, until finally, Tobias stepped forward and stopped my hand.
“Good girl.” I felt a flush then. Scarlet had explained what a praise kink was, how so many of us were conditioned to feel pleasure at those words from growing up as a kid, the phrase a secret weak spot we carried around inside us, waiting to be activated by the right Dom, and it did. I felt a great rush of pleasure and excitement, of being recognised, of being affirmed, all from two damn words. My conscious mind wanted to fight it, but the rest of me, it wanted to lean into that praise like the hand sliding up my neck. “You have ten pieces. Let’s not cloud things further by adding more. I’ll leave you a key so you can come in and explore, though I admit, I’d prefer to be here.”
“You want to see?” I chanced a look up at him, it suddenly feeling too personal, too intense to do so for long, but I caught that slow smile.
“I think you’ll find I watch you near constantly, Sage, but this? Watching you find your way, discover what makes you respond?” A single finger slid down my spine, making me shiver. “I want that so very much. Now, may I look at your choices?”
Scarlet had told me about the ritualistic nature of a scene, triggering some deep psychological urge our brains had in their search for meaning. There seemed to be an added weight to me picking up the box and handing it over.
“Thank you, Sage.”
Then he fell silent, which stretched on and on as those long fingers slid over the different aids I’d picked out, my cheeks feeling like they’d been set on fire by the heat of my blushes. What was he thinking? Did he even like all of these things, or were they just items he thought his imaginary omega might like? What had I just told him by giving him these things? Did he think—?