“So, Lily…” Ben’s voice was like a big warm blanket, rubbing all over my skin, almost tangibly, and I couldn’t help but shiver. “You’ve heard a bit about us. What about you? Is this your first year?”
I glanced up at him, searching his face now for indications of how interested he actually was. He was like a figment of my imagination that was difficult to believe. He towered over me, forcing me to stand in his shadow as he held onto my hand, but, strangely, that’s exactly where I wanted to be. He had the kind of body that comes from working hard for long hours, his grip and his stance containing an unconscious self confidence that some men seemed to just exude, and that was compounded in the way he watched me inspect him like he was a side of beef.
“First year,” I finally confirmed. “I’m doing a combined Arts/Commerce degree. I wanted to just study literature and become a writer…” My voice trailed away as my words conjured my increasingly my mother’s shrill response to that idea. “But I’m getting a business qualification, so I end up with something that will actually get me a job.”
“Yeah?” There was a strange kind of solidity to Ben. Maybe because that monolithic body wasn’t going anywhere it didn’t want to, not without his intent. But it was his steady regard that seemed to deepen that impression. He stared into my eyes like that’s all he wanted to do. “And what would you be studying if you didn’t have to worry about that?”
“What?” I blurted out the question, not really understanding what he was asking, not with all the ‘get real’ conversations I’d had since I became a teenager.
When I was a kid, taking my handmade storybooks and presenting them to my mother had been met with a slightly exasperated smile, even though she’d flicked through them dutifully and then made some vague noise of appreciation. The problem had arisen when I’d continued doing that. During middle school and high school, frantic fantasies were scribbled down in notebooks or typed up on my battered laptop when I was supposed to be writing an essay. Mum got reports from my teachers that I was distracted, not focussing on the task at hand due to my story writing efforts, which meant she had shifted from tolerating them, to outright disapproval.
“There is no future in this, Lily,” she said, over and over. “I wish there was. God, how I wish there was…” Her voice trailed away as she stared at the kitchen bench. “But you need a good secure income. Then in your spare time you can write whatever you want.”
“I’d like to own a bookshop,” I said in reply to Ben, because that was the sanctioned response that Mum had devised, trying to redirect my fervour to something more practical.
He took a deep breath in at that, his eyes narrowing slightly, as if he could smell the lie on me, but he didn’t press. He just looked over his shoulder where Sophie and Taylor were talking earnestly, the way she was waving her hands around signalling that she was either totally into him or getting on her high horse and arguing an issue into the ground. Only time would tell.
“Looks like both me and Max are gonna lose that bet. We didn’t think Taylor could get Sophie talking to him for more than a minute,” Ben said, before his attention switched back to me. “If things keep going well, maybe we could leave them with it and go somewhere else?”
I knew hooking up was a lot easier and more acceptable at university. No bitchy girls with their noses in each other’s business, or dopey boys running to tell their mates about their exploits. So, as I felt his thumb brush over my skin, I felt free enough to give into the sensations that rose from that. Just one simple touch, but it made my skin feel like it was on fire, parts of me flushing, swelling, slickening. Ben watched me, watched my responses, with a kind of endless regard that made me feel seen, but not pressured. I’d barely said two words to the guy, yet somehow I felt like I could say yes, no, or maybe, and he’d be OK with any one of those options.
Though the way he edged closer indicated he’d prefer I said yes.
So I responded the way my body demanded.
“Sure,” I said. “Where did you have in mind?”
Chapter 2
His car, apparently.
I indicated to Sophie that I was going to take a walk, but she just nodded vaguely, which made me smile. I wasn’t sure what magic Taylor was wielding, but it seemed to be effective.
“You’ve got your phone on you?” she asked me as we turned to leave. Always stay contactable, we’d agreed to that before we even started university. I threw her a thumbs up, and she just smirked as Ben pulled me along behind him.
“So where are we…?” My question faded away as he slotted a key into the passenger seat door of a big ute, and then opened it with a flourish. “Y’know if you wanted to make out…” I started to say.
The impact of my words was instantaneous. His eyes darkened, raking down my body as he stepped closer, leaving the car door hanging open.
“I hadn’t intended on kissing you in the car.”
Really? My spirits flumped on the floor like a petulant child, but when he reached up, tracing the line of my ear with his finger with such a light touch, they perked right back up again, attuned to his every move.
“I’ve been stuck with the boys all day. I love them like brothers, but, just like brothers, I get bloody sick of their company after a while. A pretty girl, however?” I glanced up then, sure he meant someone else other than me. His thumb traced the line of my jaw and then the shape of my lips. “I’m only in town for tonight, Lily. I have to take off home in the morning.”
“OK.” I had lost the ability to respond intelligently, just staring into his eyes as if that would prolong the feel of his fingers on my lips.
“I don’t get to come to the city very often, so I was wondering…” He smiled then, bloody dimples appearing in his cheeks as he did so, his head tilting down, closing the gap between us. “Where should I go? What do you want to show me?”
Me, naked, that’s what I wanted to reply, but I didn’t. There was a lightness inside me at this situation, probably because it had a use by date. I didn’t have to worry about seeing Ben in a lecture or across the campus. He was here for a good time, not a long time, and I was up for that. Frankly, being away from the crowd made me feel a million times more comfortable, even though I really shouldn’t have been. I made sure my location tracker was set up on my phone and then I walked over to the car and got in. He smiled as he joined me, leaning into the cab to do up my seatbelt, his presence filling the car, before he shut my door and went around to the driver’s side. He got in and turned on the ignition before turning to me.
“So where are we off to?” he asked.
“Let's go down to the jetty.”
The place wasa huge tourist spot, so there were plenty of brightly coloured lights strung up along the long pier, as well as broad footpaths that ran parallel to the shoreline. There were also pubs pumping out loud music, swanky bars built on the beach itself and people, so many people. But after Ben came rushing around to open the door for me and I slipped out, I felt it. The tug of the wind in my hair, the hush of the sea. I pulled my Converse off, knotting the laces together, then rolling up the hems of my jeans.
“Why do I think this is a whole ritual?” he asked, looking down at me.