He gotone when we finally arrived.
“The jetty?”
It was a sunny day, not too blowy, and the sky above us was the perfect shade of cerulean blue, something I didn’t realise would lighten my heart until I saw it. For a second, I just stared at the gentle waves, the few fluffy clouds scudding across the sky, but when I turned back to Ryan, I caught him watching me with a look of utter satisfaction.
“You knew…” I couldn’t articulate what it was, just that as soon as I was here, I felt myself letting a massive breath out. “How did you know?”
“Don’t go reading too much into it,” he said, putting his arm across the back of my seat. “The others won’t say so, but it’s a guess, always a guess. Whatever I get from you right now, it’s really heightened. I had something else planned, but…I could feel you were having a tough day and I didn’t want to add to it. So low-key fish and chips down the jetty it is.”
I frowned slightly, feeling a rush then of complex emotions that just got more complicated when I realised he’d be catching some of them too. I blinked furiously, wanting to hold it all in, but of course, he had to say something.
“Hey…Riley. Love. Oh fuck.” He reached across and undid my seatbelt and his own, moving until he was about as close as he could get, his arms going around me. “Jesus, love, I fucked up. I’m so—”
“No.”
That’s all I could get out, my shaking fingers going to my eyes. Thank god I never bothered with makeup, because otherwise, my face would be a mess.
It would be anyway, I realised. While I didn’t have freckles like many redheads, I did have that kind of skin that went red and blotchy when I cried, so I tried with all my might to stop them coming. I drew in a big breath, then let it out, just focussing on doing that for a second until I got my shit together.
“Sorry,” I said. “You must think me a fucking madwoman.”
“Of course I don’t. I’m just kicking my own arse over here and my brothers’. We weren’t supposed to handle it like this, just landing in your life like a fucking bomb blast. We talked it through the whole drive up here, getting it all straight in our heads, and then…”
I remembered his frustration at his brothers when they’d first arrived and snorted then, shooting him a watery smile.
“Did you get all frazzled when shit didn’t go to plan, Ryan? Did you feel like everything was out of control?” His face was a picture of surprise, right up until he made the connection. “Did you have a really clear idea of how it was supposed to go and then none of it did?”
“Jesus…” Ryan shoved the key back in the ignition, then went to start the car, when I put a hand on his arm to stop him.
“This is a good idea. However you worked it out, being outside and getting some fresh air is exactly what I need. Let’s get a feed and talk.”
Chapter 20
Walking into the fish and chip shop was all very familiar. There weren’t heaps of people here because it was a weekday, and the customers they did have looked like they were down at the jetty for a day at the beach, sporting board shorts with towels hanging over shoulders. We stepped up when it was our turn, and Ryan remembered my exact order, making me smile, the chick behind the till looking at the two of us with a bored expression. She took our money, giving us a small slip with a number on it, and then we waited, leaning against the pinball machine.
“Do you remember—?” he started to ask.
“Yep.”
As I stared into his eyes, I knew we were both thinking of the moment he beat Keith Williams’ high score on the pinball machine inside the fish and chip shop at home, the older alpha coming by and noting the achievement with a scowl and a sniff. But teen Ryan? He felt like he was on top of the world, that had been plain to see. Before he could consider taking a tilt at PNR’s score now, our number was called and out we walked with the warm package wrapped in butcher’s paper under Ryan’s arm.
We moved across the road, down the footpath that ran along the beach, and towards an empty picnic table. I brushed my hands across the coarse concrete surface, tracing the shapes scrawled on it with paint and pens. Ryan sat down, unwrapping the food, already waving a hand to get the seagulls that had amassed to piss off. I took a seat opposite and stared at him, not the food.
“I think the reason why this is so hard is because it feels like no time has elapsed.”
Ryan froze mid squeeze of his lemon slice, those deep blue eyes flicking up to meet mine. He put it down carefully and gave me that thing that so many women crave from a man—his undivided attention.
“We could be at school. Haze might have just walked me out of English lit. You and Fen could be hovering around, making sure I ate. Blake could be scowling, Colt could be working out when to come around and study with me. I could be right back where I was, surrounded by you.”
He watched me patiently, waiting for me to go on.
“You probably think that would be a good idea, that you could just pick shit up where we left it. Pretend Fen didn’t beat the crap out of Clayton. Pretend I didn’t have to spend seven years getting used to not having you around, learning to be independent, to stand on my own two feet and regulate my own damn food consumption.”
I picked up a chip then, as if to contradict everything I’d just said, and crunched it defiantly.
“And how’d that work out, Riley? Was it a good life without us?”
His voice was so gentle, I could’ve ignored his questions and just gorged myself on deep fried goodness, but of course, I didn’t.