She sobbed openly and held onto me for dear life. “I just didn’t want them to know! Daddy knew and he left. I don’t want them to leave!”
We were in full meltdown mode, and I couldn’t fix it because, once again, I was the one who’d caused the problem. I’d let her get attached to men, good men, and I was going to rip them out from under her. It hit me in that moment just how sad we were in that big house, the two of us crumbling against each other in the kitchen like that..
“Your dad didn’t leave because of you, Birdie. It had nothing to do with you, honey.”
The doorbell rang and I checked the clock. Another big-brained idea I’d had bright and early was to text a local realtor. I didn’t want to be two lonely, broke girls living in a big, empty house anymore. I couldn’t afford the house and after being with the guys and all their kids, our house felt emptier than ever. I was already preparing myself for a move, in case there was a job somewhere else. Depending on how deeply my heart hurt, I could decide how far awaysomewhere elsecould be.
I scooped Birdie into my arms and held her like she was a toddler again. “I love you, Bird. Uncle Gabe, Grandma, and I would all fly through space to get the chance to love you. Do you know that?”
She sniffed against my shirt. “I want a dad, too.”
The doorbell rang again and I sighed. “Let me just see who this is and then we’re going to talk, okay?”
Pulling the door open, I was nearly plowed down by Nick and Silas. Silas had been sick for a couple days, and I hadn’t seen Sawyer since the day I found out he had a taste for Satan. Silas was clearly feeling better, as he sprinted past me and shouted at the top of his lungs for Nick to give him back his ball.
Arlo and Henry came running in next, both of them giggling before coming to a stop in front of me and Birdie. Henry hugged my legs, and Arlo jumped high to show me a sheet of paper with a bright red A on it.
Birdie jumped down and ran out of the house, right past a pretty redhead in a nice suit and straight to where the guys were standing behind her, frowning. Birdie hugged Sawyer’s legs first, then Beck’s, before Jack picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck. I could hear her begging him not to leave from where I stood just inside the door, feeling like the worst mother ever.
“Is this a bad time, Mrs. Lane? My name is Cindy Harper. I work for Harper and Harper Realty.” The woman smiled and stepped closer, peeking into the house. “I saw your message this morning, and I couldn’t help rushing over. This neighborhood rarely has anything for sale. I could walk through and get a feel now, or…”
Beck moved past Cindy and gripped the back of my neck in his possessive way. “It’s Ms. Lane. And now isn’t a great time.”
Jack moved past us, casting me an ominous look as he went. Sawyer and Olive were the only two who stayed outside. Olive looked horrified that her best friend was crying, and Sawyer looked stressed as he rubbed both hands down his face.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Ms. Lane.” Cindy kept her eyes on me, ignoring Beck. “It’s a good time to sell. I could come back a little later today, if that would work for you.”
Jack’s booming voice came from the kitchen. “What are you doing looking at the classifieds?”
I winced and did the only thing I could think of. I linked my arm through Cindy’s and pulled her into the house. “We can do the walkthrough right now.”
42
Winnie
Cindypracticallyranoutof the house an hour later. She swore she had all she needed to start checking comps for similar houses. I doubted I’d see her again, especially after the way the guys had followed us around like three dark clouds. I wanted to go with her instead of facing the brooding men who were waiting on me.
I tried to slip past them and go out back with the kids, but Jack saw me and caught my arm before I could escape. I pouted when he lifted me onto the kitchen countertop and hooked his thumb through the back hoop of my pants. I couldn’t get down unless he let me go.
“So, you’re selling your house and looking for a new job.” Beck leaned against the fridge, his eyes darker than normal as he looked me over. “And you didn’t come over this morning.”
“After not stopping by the shop for the last two days.” Jack searched my face. “I’d be offended if you hadn’t also blown Beck and Sawyer off.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to think of what to say. I needed to end things, but I didn’t want to. I wanted things I had no business wanting. I wanted them for Birdie. I wanted them for me and the baby growing inside me. They didn’t want that, though.
“Is this because of Stacey, Win?” Sawyer sounded hurt, and that made me feel even worse. “You’re trying to run away.”
“I just want to teach again..” I dug my fingernails into my thighs and cleared my throat. “The classifieds, I mean.”
Beck walked over to the paper and held it up. “Let’s see... One job circled for a secretary at a dentist’s office. Another circled for a clerk at a gas station. Oh, and this one. You circled a job for long-haul trucking, Kitten.”
Jack’s face turned a shade of red I’d never seen on him before. “Long-haul trucking.”
“Just talk to us.” Sawyer moved closer and growled when I leaned away from his touch. “Jesus, Winnie. What the fuck happened? Did Stacey say something? What changed so much that you flinch away from my touch?”
I couldn’t take it. I was causing him pain, and I just couldn’t do it. I grabbed his hand and pulled it to my face, pressing my cheek into his palm. “Nothing changed. I’m sorry.”
He jerked me into his chest and held me tight. “Don’t apologize, Win. Just talk to us. Please. We can’t fix what we don’t understand.”