“Tellmeagainhowthis works.” Beck sat across the table from my mom, who had captured the guys’ attention, just like I knew she would. It was impossible for people to not love her. Sawyer and Jack sat on either side of him, like it was the most natural thing in the world for them to watch my mom show them how her crystals worked. “Because I’ve got to tell you, I just don’t understand.”
“Of course you don’t.” Birdie strolled past the table on her way to play with Olive in my old bedroom. We were all crammed into my mom’s trailer, and the kids were having an absolute blast with all of my childhood toys.
“Birdie.” Jack shook his head and reached a hand out to snag her shirt. He pulled her into a hug and rubbed the top of her head until she squealed and ran away laughing. “Be nice!”
My heart grew even fuller, and I had to look away quickly to keep Mom from seeing how smitten I was. I was sitting on the couch with Henry while Arlo and Gabe sat on the floor in front of us. Gabe was showing him how to do a math problem. The moment Arlo had found out the giant, muscled man was a teacher, he’d been attached, asking a million questions. Beck had quietly mentioned that Arlo wasn’t doing the best at school, but he was an intelligent, kind boy. He just needed to find his lane. Henry had ended up next to me during the movie, and then when we had gone for ice cream after. He stayed pretty close whenever we were all together with the kids. He was such a carbon copy of Jack that I couldn’t help finding everything he did adorable. He scooted closer to me on the couch and leaned into me. “Freddie?”
I wrapped my arm around him and snuggled him closer. “What’s on your mind, Henry?”
“How come everyone else has a mom but me?”
The room went silent, and I realized that everyone had heard his question, including Jack. Feeling the weight of the world on my chest, I turned into Henry and cupped his face. Ignoring that everyone could hear me, I spoke to him like it was just the two of us.
“That’s a tough question. Has it been on your mind for a while?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Everybody has a mom. At school, the moms come and do stuff. Olive and Arlo go see their mom. Nick and Silas go see their mom. I don’t have anywhere to go.”
I pulled him into my lap and held him close. “You always have somewhere to go, Henry. Your dad is always there for you, and he’s a really good dad, isn’t he? I know it isn’t the same, though. I still have my mom, but my dad passed away when I was younger, too. My mom is amazing, but I still wish my dad was here.”
“Do you get sad?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I do. Sometimes, I sneak into his old closet and I smell his shirts, just to smell him again. And sometimes I cry. It’s okay to be sad, Henry.”
“I don’t remember what she looks like.” Henry’s eyes filled with tears and his little body shook as he sobbed into my chest.
Holding him tightly, I gently rocked him and glanced up to see Jack looking as pale as a ghost. He seemed pained as he watched his son cry. Nodding at the spot next to me on the couch, I urged him over and watched as he fumbled with his wallet with shaking hands before sinking down next to me. His body felt stiff and uncomfortable, but he was there.
“She looked just like Grandma Ray, Henry.” Jack’s voice was quiet, but he might as well have been shouting. When Henry’s head popped up, he kept going. “Your mom was beautiful. I knew her when we were kids just like you, and I always thought she looked like Cinderella. I shouldn’t have taken all the pictures of her down, Henry. I’m sorry.”
Henry looked at the picture Jack handed him and immediately crawled into his dad’s lap. “She does look like Cinderella.”
I gently shifted away to give them privacy and went straight to Dad’s old closet. I stepped into the small space, and instantly the scent of him surrounded me. Pressing my nose into one of his t-shirts, I inhaled deeply and tried to feel his arms around me again. He gave the best hugs.
“You know, I could’ve bought a house somewhere on the beach by now.” Mom leaned against the doorway and smiled at me. “This closet has stopped me every time I think about it.”
I pulled one of Dad’s flannels off the hanger and pulled it over my shoulders. “Life is so weird, Mom. I don’t even know if it’s good to still have this, or if we’re holding on too hard. You would’ve loved a house on the beach.”
“Meh. Not more than I love being here with you and Birdie.” She adjusted the collar on the shirt and cupped my cheeks. “You spent so much time in here that the closet smells like a mix of you and your father now.”
Frowning, I inhaled again but only noticed Dad’s scent. “Really?”
She nodded. “It’s my favorite. It reminds me of how right your daddy really was for us. That man loved us both so hard. He always knew just what to do. Other men slipped up, forgot birthdays, and did stupid shit. Your daddy never forgot an important date. He was the best man I ever met. He’s probably laughing at me now, desperately trying to find a man who’s even a tenth of the man he was. He knew how good he was, and that there was never going to be anyone as good as him.”
I smiled. “That sounds like him.”
“Sometimes I worry that having the dad you did soured all other men for you. You settled for Matthew and accepted his bullshit because no one was ever going to be your daddy, so why bother?”
I felt my eyes move towards the living room and forced myself to look down at my feet. The three men out there weren’t mine. No matter how much they reminded me of Dad at times.
“Maybe it takes three good men to fill your dad’s shoes. Nothing wrong with that.” Mom pressed a kiss to my forehead and hugged me tightly. “No one hugs like my Freddy, but I bet those big muscles out there are pretty nice, right?”
I pushed her away and rolled my eyes. “Don’t even mention that in here. I don’t want Dad knowing what I’ve been up to.”
Mom snorted. “Honey, if you knew half the shit your dad and me got up to, you’d know that you couldn’t shock your dad if you tried.”
I shuddered and put Dad’s shirt back on the hanger. “You’re ruining my closet time.”
“Don’t think I don’t know what you snuck away to do earlier, you little minx. I’m so proud of you.” She bumped me with her hip and went towards my old bedroom. “I see two twin boys who are about to do something destructive!”