22
Winnie
Ispenttheweekendin shock and denial. I played with Birdie and had dinner with Mom. I even spent Sunday evening at Gabe’s, helping him pick out his outfit for a date. My mind and body felt off, like I was walking under water, but I was able to pass as normal enough that no one called me out on it. It wasn’t until Monday morning when I was walking through the main lobby, towards the elevator, that I felt a crack in my armor.
My stomach rolled, and I had to make a detour to the public bathrooms on the first floor. I barely got inside the uber-modern bathroom before my breakfast was coming up. Kneeling in front of a public toilet in my apple-themed dress wasn’t a great way to start my week, but along with my cereal, all my feelings were coming up.
Birdie had been an unplanned pregnancy too. Matthew had recoiled at the idea of having a kid immediately and wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. I refused, though. I had always wanted to be a mom, and I was in love with Matthew. I thought we were heading in that direction anyway. He had broken up with me and refused to accept that Birdie was even happening. I’d been devastated, but I never felt like I’d made the wrong decision—especially when Matthew came back a week after Birdie was born.
He didn’t want kids, but he wanted me enough to try. It was something I should’ve known better than to do, marrying him when he asked. He was forcing himself to be a father to be with me. At the time, I was too emotional and lonely to understand how terrible it was that he’d left me and didn’t want Birdie. I’d just been so happy to have help and to have the man I loved back.
Knowing firsthand what it looked like to force a man to be a father when he didn’t want to be, there was no way I was doing it again. Birdie would need therapy when she was old enough to understand her father’s disappearing act. She would bear the scars of me needing him in my life. I wouldn’t do that to another child. I wouldn’t force anyone into anything.
It was a strange thing, knowing I was never going to tell the guys that one of them had impregnated me, and that they’d have another baby. Part of me was relieved to not have to face the same frustration and anger that I faced with Matthew. Being shown how much of an inconvenience I was, nearly nonstop, was so damaging. If I got to avoid that from anyone else in my life, I was happy to do it. The larger part of me was devastated, though. My second child would have siblings they’d never know. They’d have a father who they’d never know. I would go through another pregnancy alone.
I couldn’t meet my own gaze in the mirror as I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth. I could admit a lot of things to myself on a bathroom floor, but I didn’t want to look at myself and see the sadness. I didn’t want to know that I’d already gotten attached to the three men who would never know I was pregnant. I didn’t want to see the way my eyes threatened to fill with tears for the umpteenth time.
I groaned and internally lashed myself for being pathetic. I was stronger than this. The men were strangers. I’d had a deep conversation and connection with them that night at the church, but it had just been sex. I knew that —even if my aching chest was playing the game ofmaybe it could be more. It didn’t matter. I had to stay away from them.
When I got to my desk, Lauren was waiting on me with a bottle of ginger ale and a smile.
“Feeling better, Winnie? Ginger down in security called and said she thought you were sick. Youarea little green.”
I took the ginger ale and hugged her. “Thank you. I am feeling a little under the weather, but I’m pretty sure it’s from some leftovers I ate.“You know if there’s something wrong, you can talk to me, right? We’ve only been friends for a few days, but I like you. Not just because you keep me away from the people, either.”
I laughed, letting a little bit of my moroseness slink off my shoulders. “I know it’s not. I really am okay.”
She straightened as the elevator doors opened behind us. “Mr. Myers. Good to see you back.”
A wave of awareness washed over my body, but I did my best to clamp it down. I turned to look at Beck and forced an easy smile. He looked good. Better than good. Wherever he’d been, he’d gotten sun, and it made his green eyes look even brighter. The white button-down shirt he wore tucked into his black dress pants had the sleeves pushed up, and the top few buttons were undone. With his tattoos and long hair, he should’ve looked odd in the business wear, but he made it look like it was how he was born to live.
“Lauren. Win. You’re blocking traffic.” His smile seemed even whiter and warmer as he flashed his eyes over me. “Although this could be a nice way to enter the office.”
Lauren nudged me. “He means you. I’ve greeted him here a million times and all I ever get is a nod and a few grunts.”
I knew my face was turning red, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. Twisting the bottle of ginger ale in my hands, I took a step back and nearly tripped over my own feet. Catching myself before I hit the ground, I smiled even more brightly. Never let them see you sweat, and all that. “Oopsie. Um, I’m just going to get my computer turned on now. Powered on. I’m going to turn it on.”
Beck’s smile finally slipped. “You look upset.”
I made a strange dismissive noise. “Nope. I’m swell, yup just really great.”
Lauren groaned and rolled her eyes. Walking past my desk, she tapped the top of it with her perfect nails. “Real smooth, Winnie.”
23
Sawyer
Ihadtheafternoonoff, and my twins were with their grandparents for the week. It was supposed to be a great break for me, since I usually had the twins more during the summer, but I wasn’t doing much relaxing. I’d been wound tighter than I could ever remember being. As a man who really enjoyed his quiet time, I was annoyed that I couldn’t find a second of peace. I’d spent the weekend wondering why Winnie had sprinted out of the clinic, and had even thought about asking Dr. Waits about it. I wasn’t an unethical asshole, though, so I wasn’t doing that. Instead, I was brooding.
It didn’t help to know that Beck had been keeping Winnie right outside his office and hadn’t said shit to me or Jack. He hadn’t explicitly said that he’d slept with her again, but I knew my best friend, and I knew he had. It didn’t make any sense, but I was annoyed about it. For the first time in over a decade, I kind of wanted to punch Beck.
Instead of relaxing on my deck with one of the books I’d been planning to read for the last year, I found myself riding the elevator up to Beck’s office. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have a plan for what I was going to say. I just knew I wanted to get eyes on Winnie once more. I could bullshit myself and pretend it was solely out of worry for her, but it wasn’t. When I saw her at the clinic, there had been the same instant attraction and desire as that first night. She was fire, and I wanted to be burned.
The doors opened and I stepped into the front office of Myer’s Photography. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it definitely wasn’t Winnie standing on top of a desk, in possibly the weirdest dress I’d ever seen, frantically looking around and waving her arms like a cartoon character. I stood there, staring like a fucking idiot, for a full thirty seconds before finding my voice.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Winnie twisted around and motioned me closer, her movements frantic, but she was still as silent as a church mouse. It wasn’t until I was standing under her, looking up, that she finally spoke. “There’s a spider. It attacked me. It’s big and terrifying and angry for some reason! Beck has some important client in his office, and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, but I can’t and, oh my goodness, I really don’t like spiders.”