Sittingatmydesk,I stared down at my keyboard, not seeing it or anything else around me. I was in a state of shock. I couldn’t believe I was pregnant. I wasn’t even angry at myself yet, because I couldn’t move past the shock. It was almost amazing that I’d managed to do something so stupid. I wasn’t a child. I was a grown woman who took care of a child and maintained a home and job. It seemed impossible that I’d managed to slip up so immensely.
I could barely afford to take care of Birdie and give her the things she needed. My car was still at Jack’s because I hadn’t been able to afford to pick it up. I constantly used my mother and best friend as free childcare so I could work or go out and sleep with three men at the same time.
I heaved a heavy sigh as I thought about the guys. They all had children, too. They had ex-wives and families to worry about. They’d explicitly said they didn’t want more children. Before we slept together, we’d all taken turns venting, and they’d each expressed that they didn’t think they wanted serious relationships and more kids, not after what they’d gone through. I’d even agreed with them. There I was, sitting in the office that one of them owned, pregnant with one of their children.
My heartbeat stayed the same, my reaction too bizarre to make me think it was healthy. I wasn’t reacting. I was frozen—in fear or panic, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want another baby. I wasn’t at a point in my life where it made any sense. How would I work? If I couldn’t work, how would I support myself and Birdie?
“Hello! Earth to Winnie! I’ve been standing here talking to you for a full twenty seconds. You’re as pale as a ghost. What’s wrong?”
I looked up at Lauren and couldn’t think of anything to say. My brain was just stuck. I opened my mouth, hoping something would happen, but nothing did.
“Hey, Winnie, what’s going on?” She hurried around the desk and knelt next to me. I noticed the way her dress barely tightened over her thighs, and a wave of tears hit me. Lauren panicked and pulled me in for a hug. “Sweetie, whatever it is, you’re going to be okay. Oh, you’re too sweet to cry!”
I cried into her expensive dress for a few minutes, then pulled back and blew my nose into a napkin that came out of nowhere. When I looked up, I saw that James, one of the photographers, was standing next to us, a deep frown on his face.
“Someone made the office kitten cry, and I don’t like it. Tell me who did and I’ll take their picture in terrible lighting.” He brushed my hair back from my face and idly groomed me into something more presentable. “You’re too pretty to cry, dear. You’ve made your perfect skin all blotchy, and your nose is bright red. And you’re washing out all your adorable freckles, which should be illegal.”
Lauren sighed. “Is that supposed to be helpful?”
James hissed at her and then leaned down to press a kiss to my forehead. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off, Winnie? Lauren and I will sit here at the desk and talk shit about everyone else while you’re gone.”
“Okay, that’s actually helpful. Be careful, James, or people will start to think there’s a heart in that cold body of yours.”
“There’s only a heart for sweet little things like Winnie. She brought me a cookie yesterday, just because. It’s no wonder Mr. Myers insisted on getting her to stay on. She’s an angel.” James pulled me from my chair and patted me on the back as he pushed me towards the elevators. “Go home and knit, or do whatever it is that makes you happy.”
Lauren sighed. “And then you insulted her.”
I smiled through tears at them both, at the unexpected friends I’d already collected. “Thank you.”
James sniffed and turned away. “Get out of here before I change my mind. I hate emotions. They cause wrinkles.”
Normally, I would’ve refused to leave, but it was Friday afternoon and I felt useless. I wasn’t getting anything done, and I was a dark cloud over the office, so I waved goodbye to them and took the elevator down to the first floor. The same security guard who’d shouted at me the first day waved at me and wished me a happy weekend when I passed. The doorman winked and did the same.
It occurred to me that I’d already expanded my circle of people. In just two short months, my life had changed drastically. I missed teaching and being right down the hall from Gabe, but I liked the hustle and bustle of the city and the office. I liked bringing treats in for the people I interacted with daily. Things had shifted in my life, but it seemed that they were far from finished. As I climbed into Big Ham and started the engine, I stared down at my stomach and frowned. Much bigger changes were coming.
On the highway back to Stand, I decided to check in on my car. At least, that was what Itoldmyself I was doing. Truthfully, I was curious. Would Jack look at me differently? Did I seem different already? Would that magical energy already be dead? It was silly of me, but I felt unmoored. Somehow, it felt like seeing Jack would help.
I parked in front of the shop and wiped my palms down the front of my dress, nervous to see him. I felt frumpy even on days Ihadn’tjust found out I was pregnant. That day? I felt like a bag of meat in a burlap sack.
Only one of the bays was open, and I could hear rock music pouring from inside, along with a metal clanging sound. I walked closer smiled to myself when I heard Jack singing along, poorly. Once I stepped inside the shop and out of the sun, I saw him. He was bent over the hood of a car, shirtless, with sweat coating his back. His back rippled with muscle as he worked, and his pants sat low on his hips, showing the top inch of his briefs.
Arousal hit me hard and fast. I didn’t know what I was doing, but as I moved closer to Jack, my body reacted as if it knew exactly what was coming. My panties dampened as my sex slickened, and my nipples hardened until each step ached as my dress brushed against them.
Jack reached back, wiped his hand on the ass of his pants, and grunted as he yanked on something under the hood of the car. Whatever it was gave him trouble, and he used both hands to work on it, making his shoulder muscles stand out even more. My mouth watered to taste them, and I knew I needed to turn around and leave. I had no business standing there, hoping for things I didn’t need. Yet my emotional state had turned into pure desire, and I was aching for the man in front of me.
“Jack.”
His muscles stiffened as he heard me and straightened before turning to face me. He saw my expression and swore. The sound of the tool in his hand hitting the ground was like the starting gunshot of a race. I wasn’t even sure who reached for who first, but I saw the streak of grease on his hard peck muscle and across his forehead and lost myself.
Somehow, I found myself pinned to the side of the car with my legs wrapped around Jack’s waist as he kissed me so thoroughly that my toes curled. His erection dug into me through his worn denim jeans and the material of my dress that bunched between us. It was exactly what I needed, and still it wasn’t enough.
“In me, Jack.Please.”
21
Jack
Inthebackofmy head, I was aware the bay was still open, and that anyone could walk into the shop. If it hadn’t been Winnie in my arms, I might not have given a shit, but the idea of anyone else seeing her how she was in that moment made me fucking crazy. I kissed down her neck and nipped the skin below her ear before picking her up and walking towards the office.