I clutched his hand and did just that. I lost track of time and cried until I had no tears left. Only then did I get up and start packing up my things. It took several trips to my dad’s truck to load everything up, and when I put my last box in the bed, I realized I felt worse than I had when Matthew divorced me.
“You’ll be okay, girlie.”
I hugged Mr. Holcomb tight and gently patted his cheek. “Take care of yourself. This doesn’t mean that Birdie and I won’t be coming over for Super Bowl Sunday.”
“Who else would bring the cookies?”
After seeing him off, I stood still and said goodbye to the school for a few minutes before getting in the truck and driving it to my mom’s house. Birdie was with Gabe and it was their TV night, so I wasn’t welcome until later, anyway.
Big Ham had been my dad’s mess-around truck when he’d been alive. It was older than me, didn’t have power steering, and was the color of bologna, for some reason. It wasn’t exactly environmentally friendly, but with my car still sitting at Jack’s, Big Ham was saving me.
I had to stop on the way to Mom’s to gather myself when I realized I wouldn’t have any money coming in until I found another job. My poor car would stay at Jack’s indefinitely at that rate.
The second I pulled into Mom’s jungle-like driveway, she was rushing out to the truck. “Oh, Freddie! I knew you were coming. Something’s wrong. I could feel it in the crystals! Where’s Birdie? Is Bird okay?”
I sighed and climbed out of the truck. “Birdie’s fine, Ma.”
“Then, you?”
“I’m not fine.”
13
Winnie
Mymomwasachild of the sixties, and she had parked her VW bug there and refused to budge. Once you got past the seven- and eight-feet tall banana trees that hid her house in the summer, the true magic that was Sunshine Moonchild opened up. Of course, that wasn’t her given name. She’d changed it when she turned eighteen and never looked back. I’d only managed to be Winnifred instead of Flower because my dad, Fred Sr., had fought her tooth and nail.
Mom lived in a single-wide trailer that she’d painted giant flowers all over. The porch had been bedazzled with colorful gems and glass pieces that reflected the light in the prettiest way. I’d grown up in the back bedroom of the trailer in a room painted hot pink and layered with several different rugs because we hadn’t been able to afford shag carpeting. The ceiling still had the glow-in-the-dark stars, and there were still nights when I missed them. Mom’s house was magical in the way that any truly themed home is magical. There’s just something special about stepping into someone else’s madness.
True to form, Mom wore tan bell bottoms and a fringe crop top that made her look like my sister. Her style had come back around, and she was wildly popular when she went out to the post office to mail her crystal candles. Her platform sandals made her tower over me, and her waist-length, pin-straight hair smelled like patchouli as she hugged me tight. There was also the most common, earthier scent of weed hanging around her. Her big golden shades hid her eyes, so I couldn’t tell if the smell was fresh or not.
Dragging me up her rainbow-painted porch steps, Mom led me inside to the chair I liked to think of as the “hot seat.” It was where Mom put people she wanted to work on. I’d never made up my mind one way or another about whether or not I believed in whatever Mom did, but she had people who came from miles and miles to sit in her hot seat and have her rub crystals up and down their chakras. I got it for free any time I stepped inside her home.
“Stay there. I need to get my new crystals from the bedroom. I was using them last night with Ramone. Have I told you about the new method I found for using them while having sex?” Thank god her voice trailed off while she disappeared into her room to grab her perverted crystals. “Anyway, Ramone and I set a record last night. I think I had seven orgasms. Amazing shit, little Freddie.”
I smiled, because how could I not? I’d long ago gotten over being embarrassed of my mom’s antics. Of course, that didn’t mean I needed to hear details. Ever. There was only so much a daughter could hear before losing her mind. Accepting her as she was just made life more fun. “That’s nice, Ma.”
“You’re all backed up. I can tell you haven’t had sex since that time a while ago that you wouldn’t talk to me about.” She studied me and then rested a crystal on top of my head. “What’s got you so down, my baby? I can feel your spirit, and it’s practically weeping.”
“I finally quit,” I said. “I’ve been getting sick and losing weight. Dealing with that woman was just too much in the end. I couldn’t handle it. It didn’t even feel good. She smiled. She was happy she’d gotten me out.” I curled my legs under me and caught the crystal on my head before it fell off. “I’m terrified, Ma. I feel like nothing is going right. I’ve been drowning on my own for so long, and nothing gets easier.”
“Look at me, Winnifred Tulip Lane. Something is going right. Have you seen that little girl you’re raising? Birdie is amazing, and that’s all you, honey. You’ve raised her on your own, and she’s strong. She’s not like me when I was younger, or you when you were younger. She won’t fall for the pretty eyes of some idiot boy. How can you say nothing is going right?”
I slowly smiled and nodded. “You’re right. Birdie is the best thing I’ve ever done.”
“She’s not the only thing you’ve done right, either. I know for a fact that your ass hair of an ex-husband has been reaching out to you, and that you haven’t paid him any mind. You’re strong, too, Freddie.” She rubbed oil across my chest and then put a huge crystal in my lap. “Stay there for half an hour. I want you to think of nothing but nature. Picture the mountains and that lake your daddy used to take you to. Let your body reconnect to mother nature, Freddie. I’m going to go smoke some of her while you’re doing that.”
I fought a laugh as she went. There was something wild and untamed about my mom that didn’t allow for sadness for too long. I think that was why people traveled to her. I wasn’t sure it was the crystal’s healing powers, so much as my mom’s. The woman brightened souls just by saying hello.
I knew I could always run back to her if I had to, but I wanted to make it on my own, no matter how nice it would feel to sleep under those glow-in-the-dark stars and wake up to the smell of Mom’s incense burning.
Following Mom’s directions, I closed my eyes and imagined the lake my dad had loved so much. I pictured setting up his fishing pole for him and seeing the way his eyes shone with pride when he saw that I’d done it right. I felt the wind across my face and I smelled the wildflowers in the distance. Inexplicably, I saw more people joining us at the lake. When I saw the faces of the men I’d gotten to know at the church, my eyes popped open and found Mom sitting across from me, grinning.
“I would give my last dollar to see what you just saw.” She moved her crystals and patted my knee. “Freddie, your energy just shifted to bright pink. Whatever you saw shifted your focus to your heart.”
I shook my head and tried to play it cool. “I was just at the lake with Daddy.”
“Liar.”