Invisible shards of glass rake my throat and acidic self-loathing swirls in my stomach. “I took away his future by having his draft offer reversed. To make sure it stuck, I sent the college video clips of the fights he organized at the quarry in high school. He’s…his face is clearly visible in them and sometimes he’d wear his letterman jacket.”
“What the hell,” she whispers. “You hung around him because you wanted to blackmail him? I thought… Damn it, Fox, I thought you were his friend.”
The hurt lacing her tone is like being shoved onto hot coals with no protection from the blistering heat.
This was a long game. He used me as his enforcer and put me right in position to unravel the strings of his life. I took the video myself last fall in his senior year while making sure everyone else abided the rules.
Shaking her head, she begins to pace. “You know, when you messed with my grades, I didn’t really get all that torn up about it. The grades, the life plan—that wasn’t my dream in the first place. The rumors you stirred, even breaking into the yoga studio to freak me out, I moved past it. The car prank was disgusting, but it’s just stuff. It didn’t physically hurt me. I mean, whatever, right? You tried to break me with all that, but I’d have to care about those things for it to work. I was more hurt that you wouldn’t talk to me for so long, but hung out with him. That’s where your damage finally hit me hard.”
Hearing her lay out my mistakes steals the rest of the air from the room.
“I believed they were innocent,” I bite out, scrubbing my face. “Everything I did was for them and my sister. It didn’t matter what I had to do.”
I immediately want to take the explanation back. The words came out wrong. She doesn’t take my defensive tone well, halting and narrowing her gaze. I open my mouth to apologize and explain better, but she beats me to it.
“You know, Holden really did love football and wanted to keep playing. He hasn’t touched the game once all year. Hasn’t watched it, either. You really fucked him over. He’s told me he’s happy, but that was when he thought he didn’t earn that opportunity to play for a school he loved.” Her mouth purses in frustration and she flings out an arm. “How could you do that to your best friend? I get that I broke my promise and understand why you hate my parents, but Holden? He didn’t do shit to you and you destroyed his future as collateral damage. Don’t you have limits? There’s a difference between innocent people and the ones you think deserve to suffer.”
Guilt rakes over my nerve endings. I was willing to do anything—whatever it took to get my revenge. Holden wasn’t an innocent guy. He organized that fight ring and made money. Partied hard and lived his life wild. But he wasn’t part of this. I could’ve spared him.
Maisy folds her arms over her chest. The distrust flashing in her gaze cuts deep. My jaw clenches, even as my heart splinters with a thousand fissures, the damn thing on the brink of implosion.
This is it. She should’ve run from me from the first moment and now it’s happening. She finally sees the truth—what a monster I’ve become.
This time I can’t chase her. I need to let her go if that’s what she wants. I betrayed her and this is what I deserve for it.
I love her, but I went after everyone in her family. We don’t get to ride off into the damn sunset together with the ruinous outcome of my actions laying between our feet.
“I’m sorry.”
It’s gruff, jagged around the edges, but what more can I say? The damage has been done for over a year.
She stares at me for a long moment. “I want to believe that, but I think this made me realize something really important. I’ve jumped from living my life under my parents’ rules to living it for someone else. I got too caught up in all this. I don’t want anyone to control me.” She darts her gaze away, unwilling to look at me when she goes on. “I need to live my life for me.”
My throat constricts. Fuck. Everything in me revolts. I don’t want to lose her. Not like this. Not ever.
The confession of what I feel for her pushes to the surface, but I swallow it back. I have to respect her choice.
“I never want to take that away from you,” I mutter. “I’m not holding you prisoner here.”
She looks so lost for a moment that it eats me up inside. My stubborn, headstrong girl has spent too many years under someone else’s control. I swallow, throat working as I close the distance between us. Regret tastes sour, sitting in the back of my mouth as a reminder of everything I’ve ruined for ghosts that didn’t deserve my fierce loyalty.
Maisy touches my face and I close my eyes, breathing in deeply so I’ll always remember her sweet, soothing scent.
“Take the Charger.” A small gasp escapes her at my offer. “I don’t want you to feel stranded. It’s yours for as long as you need it. Go.”
Across town, across the country, go wherever you want, little daisy.
“Okay.” She sounds as wrecked as I am. “Thanks.”
Her touch drops from my cheek and I already miss it. She rummages around the bed for clothes, her shoes. Keys jingle across the room, the sound ominous and final.
I keep my eyes closed the whole time because I can’t stand to watch her go. Not when this is my fault.
As soon as I hear her drive off in my car, I sink to the floor, leaning against the back of the couch, and stare at nothing. The energy drains from my body like I’m slowly bleeding out. I expect to look down at the dusty concrete and find a pool of blood, but there’s nothing there.
Just emptiness, like the hollow feeling carved out in my chest.
Thirty-Two