Instead, I need to do what I said I would—stay the fuck away from Maisy. She can go on with her life, and I’ll keep living this half-formed existence, destined to spend my days missing the girl who makes my heart feel like it could beat without hurting. I’m no good for her.
Decision made, I turn my attention to the information on my laptop leading me to a shipping warehouse. I have work to do and it’s time to stop hesitating. Jacqueline and Richard will pay for what they’ve done.
Twenty
Maisy
Healing a broken heart is impossible, but self-care keeps me going. I throw myself into my routine. That means plenty of yoga, face masks with the girls, and hanging out with the rest of our friends at Thea’s apartment when I’m allowed out. Plus I spend time centering myself in nature when I can convince Holden to go on a hike. A nightly session with Sir Good Vibes helps to blow off steam and I totally don’t picture calloused hands running over my skin. Absolutely not.
It all recharges me, but I’m still trying to find a way to breathe without Fox again.
He doesn’t think we can even be friends. It’s worse than the first time I lost him, because now I know why he couldn’t even look at me when he first came back. This time he wasn’t ripped away from me, he made the tear himself.
I haven’t seen him in days. He never showed for finals and hasn’t come to any of the graduation ceremony practices.
After what he said to me, I didn’t bother looking through the medical journals Devlin dropped off a few days ago. They’ve been sitting by my rolled up yoga mat in the corner of my bedroom, mocking me. Instead of reading them myself, I want to give them to him, but first I’d have to pin the stubborn elusive jerk down to offer them to him.
As predicted, I caught a load of shit for running off from the restaurant and causing an unwanted scene for my parents the other night. Since Fox left me there alone, I called Holden to come pick me up. I’ve never seen Dad look so mad. He was livid, more angry than Mom, who regarded me with a cool and dispassionate look the minute I walked through the door. She didn’t even bother berating me, like I expected, simply announced that the road trip was off the table again. I stood there grinding my teeth, quelling the desire to stand up to her as she informed me that if I didn’t get my impulsive, childish urges under control then she’d send me to a private disciplinary school that specializes in rehabilitating troubled brats of the influential and wealthy instead of the college they made me apply to. The admissions paperwork was already completed. I wanted to call bullshit, but the threat in her empty gaze was very real. After she was satisfied with my stunned silence, she spun on her heel and went into her office.
Then Dad tore into me for putting myself in danger for a solid twenty minutes. He wouldn’t hear any of my arguments in Fox’s favor or that the most danger I was in was stubbing a toe in the dark. He’s the one who decided I wouldn’t be leaving the house except for school and my yoga classes, and that I couldn’t go anywhere on my own. I’m not even allowed to do my volunteer shift at the library. Dad made me pick—yoga or reading to the kids, and as much as I love their little faces, I need yoga or I go crazy from bottling up my energy every day.
The reminder of their ability to control my life stung.
It could’ve been worse. They could’ve actually shipped me off to the mysterious disciplinary school. I’m at least glad that Holden is my new warden, escorting me everywhere now that his summer class is over for the summer. He told me he feels bad, so he’s been far more lenient than my parents expect. If they had hired a bodyguard, like they threatened before, I definitely couldn’t have pulled sibling sympathy for an easier time. My brother doesn’t say anything when I spend half our time together with my nose glued to the map app on my phone, dropping points for where I want to go on my road trip.
I’m biding my time until the moment is right to make my move.
On the day of graduation, I’m one step closer to freedom. I just have to get through the ceremony, then I’m hitting the road. Mom can threaten me all she wants, but there’s no way I’m letting her send me to a disciplinary school. The cage they’ve kept me in for so many years is becoming too much, suffocating the wings I need to spread
. An itch crawls across my skin, growing worse by the day.
“Stop fidgeting and stand up straight,” Mom hisses so no one else will hear her perfectionist nagging.
We’re standing off to the side of the school on the path that splits to lead to the football field, surrounded by a sea of green and white graduation gowns that match the one I’m sweating in and the families of the graduating class.
It’s my high school graduation and I feel…nothing.
Shouldn’t I care more? I can’t find any reason to. Thinking back on my last four years, I’m troubled by how little of my own interests I’ve explored. My senior year was a complete bust. The only bright spots are the times I spent with my friends when they were still here with me before they graduated, and the only memories worth reliving that give me a thrill are the times Fox was focused on me.
“The ceremony hasn’t even started yet,” Holden says. I shoot him a grateful smile and he winks. “Give her a break for five minutes, Ma.”
“Like the break I’ve given you, Holden?” Mom says sharply. “It’s been such an awfully long break.”
He clenches his jaw at the reminder he’s missed the mark on how high she expected him to jump by ending up at a public community college. A few people glance our way curiously and Mom’s spine goes ramrod straight while she plasters on her CEO smile.
“We’re so proud of you,” Dad says.
Really, I want to ask skeptically, even though I didn’t make Valedictorian? As if she can hear my thoughts, Mom’s mouth pinches.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Well, at least you’re graduating. We would have liked to see you earn the top spot in your class.” She speaks out of the side of her mouth as she nudges me toward the group of students lining up by one of the teachers. “It’s disappointing that you’ve deviated so much from what your goals were.”
I couldn’t hide my grades when she has a rule about keeping her updated with them, but I’m not even that annoyed anymore at Fox for messing with my class rank. It’s just a grade, so what’s the big deal? My life isn’t over or ruined because I got an A minus instead of an A plus. It took a deep meditation session to come to that realization and once I did the weight lifted from my shoulders, leaving me lighter. I should thank him for making me face it.
“Valedictorian wasn’t ever something I’d pick for myself anyway,” I mutter.
Mom flashes a severe look that warns me to back up. They’re all your goals, I want to snap, but I drag in a measured breath and let it the fuck go. Just make it through the ceremony, I remind myself. Then I can finally get a break from their dog and pony show.